© A SOLObeatz Production {{D. Mos FABOLOUS One™}}

It's Way Past Time

2011-11-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

Marriage equality for all, religious tolerance in all and complete deterioration of hate by all. It's by a nonprofit in Australia, getupaustralia, supposed to debunk claims that gay marriage would derail the alleged sanctity of marriage. Now its time to make this beautiful, G-d sent video go viral all over the world. Ken yehi ratzon!

Donate to put on Australian tv: http://tiny.cc/gkuwp
Sign petition: http://www.getup.org.au/marriagematters

Can 'I Love You' Be Too Soon?

2011-10-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

We live in a society that, for the most part, is run by religious institutions. These institutions tell you how to live, how to talk, how to live your life, what to do and what not to do. But none of these religious doctrines’ tell you how long it is acceptable to wait before saying 'I love you' to your partner.

So...

Can saying 'I love you' ever be said too soon?

Looking at text ranging from the Harlem Renaissance even as far back as the Biblical stories told, there is nothing that tells us how long to wait before love is acceptable to be voiced. William Shakespeare had all of his main leads quickly fall in love. Even characters from the Bible have no regards for length of time for love. The moment Jonathan saw David, he loved him and made sure David had everything. Even a chest to cry on before they split up because of the envious father. Jacob hadn't seen Rachel for all but ten minutes before he loved her and was willing to work 7 years and 1 week before he married Rachel, and then was willing to work 7 more years after he married Rachel. Samson hadn't known Delilah for a day and loved her, not knowing she was after much more and he ended up committing suicide after.

Even after all of these stories are told, we still are left with that nagging question: Is it okay to say those 3 words even if time hasn't lapsed? In the gay community, it is frowned upon. You will hear things like 'That's not love, its lust' or 'How can you love someone you barely know?' All good points, but all are also very cynical. Love is blind. You also hear this saying, too, especially from the same cynical people. If love is compared to the person it is modeled after, it would mean that love has no respect of physical condition, skin color or anything else that one sees with one’s eyes. So, shouldn't time be considered in this as well since, after all, blindness cannot see time?

Then, if this is true, why are we putting time limits on our inner most feelings? Is it to protect your inner most self? Is it to determine if the partner is worthy of such love? Whatever the reason, just let it go. Let it breathe, and let it flourish. Love is a beautiful thing that, like grass, grows at an incredible fast speed. Loving someone should not have any time limits attached. Because we are all created in love and that love is meant to be shared, displayed and recharged.

Therefore, saying I love you can never be said too soon. But be wise, not everyone is open to love as most people are. But never give up on love, never give up on voicing your love and never stop loving who you are.
Chazak, chazak, v'nitchazek - Be strong, be strong, and may you have strength!

National Coming Out Day

2011-10-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

NCOD was founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico and founder of the personal growth workshop, The Experience, and Jean O'Leary, an openly-gay political leader from Los Angeles and then head of the National Gay Rights Advocates.The date of October 11 was chosen because it was the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.

Now that you have the quick two second history lesson, let us begin class. I honor every gay right, civil awareness day that G-d can create. It gives the misinformed a chance to educate themselves on things they don't know anything about. And sometimes, it works. But what is disheartening is that, majority of the gay community doesn't even know about gay history. Or think it is beneath them to know such history.

Get off Adam4Adam. Get off BGCLive. Get off ManHunt. Get off all the hookup sites that you claim are 'social networking sites'. That's what Facebook, MySpace and Twitter are for. Anyone who says hookup sites are anything but, are lying to themselves and others. Being gay means more than just going to the club every Friday and Saturday. Being gay means more than going to Black Gay Pride events to show off your body you have been working on everyday prior in hopes of giving laid.

Being gay means more.

People, gay and straight alike, have fought and died for the rights of homosexuals to become equal to their heterosexual counterparts. We have fought hard to repeal DADT. We have risked our lives to strip DOMA of its horrific standpoints. People have fought hard to bring HIV Awareness to kids today. And living a lie, living on the 'down low', living with a view of only being in a relationship just to have a steady sex fest, trivializes the death, memory and history of the LGBT community. No one says you have to back Gay Marriage but there is a distinct difference from saying 'I don't want to get married to someone of the same sex' and saying 'I think gay marriage is wrong.' If you don't want to elevate your relationship to domestic partnership/marriage, then don't. But don't think that everyone should share in your ignorant views.

So on this day, put aside your differences and just love yourself for who G-d made you to be. A big, ole homosexual. But just know that it is only up to YOU to add 'happy' to that description. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Being Gay in a Religious World

2011-09-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

For some of us, these two worlds should never collide but others of us think that the two should. For being gay to almost 99% of the gay and bisexual community is something that is formed at birth but because of the religious world we live in, that numbers dwindles because of the thought that it can be fixed. This is the first error that has caused many believers who are gay to abandon their faith. For how can G-d love one part of you but condemn the rest? It seems almost like a contradiction, but to the religious, the almighty can not contradict itself. So for that, we must look at the bigger picture: are these people mixing in their disapproval into their faith? As an outsider, I say yes. Because many of these people have either; never met a gay man or lesbian woman, had a conversation with them and/or put aside their anger long enough to reach out.

Every year for Pride I see the same religious people boycotting and picketing the parade. I encounter the same closed minded people who think that being gay is a disease that they don’t want to catch. And every year, instead of being upset and yelling back at these people, I reevaluate myself and my faith. I ask myself, ‘How can I better my people so these types of things don’t happen?’ and ‘Where can I start changing the public’s negative image of homosexuality?’ Each answer I come up with is, my Beit K'nesset which means "place of assembly". If we are to change the world, we first must change ourselves. We need to show our own brothers and sisters that there is love to be found if you only just look with positive eyes. We need to get rid of negative connotations towards other gay men and women. We as a people have to start teaching tolerance to our kids, because that’s who holds tomorrow’s world. We can’t just tell them to love other people and then turn around and tell our friends how much you dislike drag queens, or that gay people shouldn’t adopt children. With this kind of attitude, nothing will ever change for any of us; Gay or straight, religious or atheist.

So with this coming Rosh Hashanah, I challenge all of you to make amends and change your ways and thoughts of negativity. Help others by first helping yourself and those closest to you. Be the light of hope that your community needs and don’t wait for someone else to do it because it may never get done. Gay men and women, transgender men and women, bisexual men and women, straight men and women, it doesn’t matter what you identify with, we are all the same inside. We are all emotional, breathing and talented human beings. Now let’s treat each other as such. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d’s will.

The Concept of G-d; Man’s Creation

2011-09-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

In a world filled with violence and pain, sorrow and despair, we as humans find a way to fill the void of tragedy anyway we can. Most of us run to religion because we want some sort of hope in the face of chaos. Some of us turn to science because we want to make rationalizations about the events happening in our lives. And select few of us turn to death and plead with him to remove us from the battlefield. But whichever choice you pick, the one choice that seems to be picked by many people is the concept that G-d is the reason behind it. G-d is either unpleased with a group so G-d sends a hurricane. Or G-d is disgusted with a sect and so G-d sends terrorists. Or an earthquake, or tsunami or a famine or the cliché; a flood. However you want to word it is fine but you must realize that everything said is only man’s concept of G-d.

No one has spoken to G-d directly and no one has seen G-d at all and anyone telling you they have is not telling the full truth. The Bible, which my Christian counterparts will so lovely point out, is the only truth there is. But I most protest; the bible is only collections of stories written by humans and translated by humans (bigot, racist, ignorant and homophobic humans). And yet we are required to believe what they say because they had a direct line to the Divine? Ridiculous. The only thing Jews follow from the bible, or Tanach (which is a compilation of what Christians titled the Old Testament), are the laws of Moses and even those have evolved and been rewritten, some done away with. The other stories, before and after, are just that; good reads and great inspiration for occasions, like Passover or Shavuot. But where does G-d come in at? G-d is shown speaking to people, most of the time in warning of destruction. G-d is also seen as being on fire or moving like a cloud. All these accounts are just a wonderful painting to what people think of G-d. But no one knows who G-d is exactly so they make up ideas about G-d and tell people they have heard from G-d.

One thing I know about any deity created from the thought of man is that the idea is only functional to the person who believes. And for that, my G-d is not vengeful so G-d will not send natural occurrences to punish any person. My G-d is all inclusive because if in fact we are all created by Divine image (both godlike and angelic) then all people, regardless of race, sexual orientation, creed, disability, ethnicity are all loved and are without flaw and blemish in the eyes of G-d. The concept of sin is different in every religion so too is sin a man made imposition. G-d is both perfect and imperfect because I am both. G-d is emotional because I am emotional. G-d is one because I am one. G-d’s will is my will because my will is G-d’s will. All of these concepts make G-d real for me, but I will not burden someone who believes Bacchus, or someone who believes the Earth is their G-d.

So all these prayers given up to ones divine deity about peace will never come to pass until these same people accept and understand that G-d is different for everyone. G-d doesn’t just work for one group of persons and not another. And the many names that people may call their G-d are all welcome: Zeus, Jupiter, Buddha, Jesus, Gaia, Chronos, Adonai, Goddess, Li Grand Zombi, among many others. This type of tolerance will bring the love that the Divine has destined to be in our lives. This type of acceptance will bring the peace in which was founded on our slowly dying planet. But until that happens, nothing will change if people don’t change closed minded thoughts. The concept of G-d will forever be man’s creation and it will soon lead to much heartache and pain if it isn’t rethought and revamped. Hine mah tov uMah Nayim shevet achim gam yachad. That is my prayer and my wish for all humans to live together in unity. Ken yehi ratzon.

Nachamu, Nachamu Ami!

2011-08-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

Isaiah says, "Nachamu, Nachamu Ami Yomer Eloheychem" Which translated means, 'Comfort, Comfort my people says your G-d.' which is the passage that starts off our Haftarah portion after Tisha B'Av, a day of mourning in Jewish tradition. After weeks of reducing our joy in commemoration of many horrible events, two of which are the temples that were both destroyed on the ninth of Av (the first by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.E.; the second by the Romans in 70 C.E), we are given a reminder that G-d is there to comfort us in time of tragic events. Even when it feels that the Divine has removed itself from our presence, the Divine reminds us that we are still comforted by the thoughts of life, love and togetherness. A rabbi once told me that G-d isn't in me, or you but between us. The comfort is there when we need it and is able to tapped into whenever we are ready. My question to you is; what comforts you today?

A few weeks before Tisha B'Av, I was admitted to the hospital for six days because of a deadly, contagious virus I had contracted through the air. I was in so much pain that my morphine intake went from every six hours to every 4 hours. I was given several spinal taps and countless blood draws. And each day I was in the hospital, while high on morphine, I recited the Sh'ma, one of the most important prayers I know. I had friends call and stop by and each time, I was comforted. Both of my Rabbi's in Sacramento called me to see how I was doing and it gave me such comfort. Each time someone said a prayer for me, I felt comfort. Needless to say, the morphine gave me comfort as well.

So today, I feel my comfort with the people around me, no matter what is going on. No matter what the unemployment situation is in the nation, or the debt crisis going on, or the tragic weather happening in our world, the Divine sends us comfort in ways that we may not realize. Open your hearts and minds and embrace the stranger who asks for help on the street, you may be their comfort. Eradicate the hatred in your hearts, your love can be a comfort to, at the very least, one person. Let's not repeat history and have our 'inner temple' destroyed because of sinat chinam: baseless hatred. Let love's light end all ignorance, intolerance and injustice. May your heart be filled with peace, love, joy and nachamu. Comfort. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Harry Potter and the Farewell Tour

2011-07-14T12:40:00.000-07:00

"The Boy Who Lived"

This was the line that started it all. It was a beginning of a journey into the magical world we could have never thought of since the trip to Oz in 1939. The boy was only eleven when he found out that he was much more unique than his bully of a family he was sent to stay with. His name is Harry Potter. A name that is gossiped around all the magical community to be the only person who survived the Killing Curse. The only person that can battle and destroy He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. And tonight at midnight, that battle begins.

The author of this incredible story, Joanne Rowling, better known as J. K. Rowling, started a phenomenon that could have never been foreseen. She gave her readers inspiration, hope and a constant imaginative adventure. When the best selling book went to screen by way of Warner Bros., her readers followed along with new fans. We saw the words come to life and were able to live out our fantasies on the big screen. We followed Harry from Years 1 thru 7. Now, tonight at midnight, it all ends.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger set out on the last battle that will leave you in tears, leave you breathless and have you cheering throughout the entire movie. There will be deaths that will shock you and redemption that will touch your heart. There will be individual battles that will leave you on the edge of your seat and magical spells that will have you chanting along. This event that is one that shouldn't be missed.

Whether you are a Harry Potter fan from the beginning of the books or the movie is no matter. Join your favorite characters on the last world wide installment of this lifetime; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Check your local theatre for showtimes with Fandago. Mischief Managed! *Disclaimer: No matter how much Warner Bros. claimed they didn't want to leave anything out of the last movie (its why it split up in two parts) don't be surprised if things are changed from the book. Its the way of Hollywood.

"Neither can live while the other survives, and one of us is about to leave for good..." said Harry simply.

Yom Ga'avah {Happy Pride}

2011-06-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

This Pride season has been a month of difficult journey, lessons and triumph. Even with all the anti-gay propaganda and the right wing religious view of Senator Ruben Diaz against gay marriage, we still gained one more victory to equal rights: New York State passed a law allowing same sex couples to marry. Baruch Ha'Shem! How wonderful it is to allow acceptance and tolerance into one's life. We have a lot to celebrate today and the rest of the Pride season. G-d is working G-d's miracles in the lives of true love and happiness, both gay and straight alike.

This Pride let us also remember the ones who died fighting for equal rights for all. Let us remember Stonewall. Let us not forget the men and women who died of AIDS before and after medication was created. Let us remember our Transgender sisters and brothers who were beaten to death because they were different. Let's remember that the journey isn't over just yet and we still have a way to travel. Zicronam L'vracha: The memories of the righteous will always be a blessing. Joseph F. Beam, David P. Brill, Stephen Donaldson, Steve Endean, Barbara Gittings, Harry Hay, Essex Hemphill, Brenda Howard, Morris Kight, Phyllis Lyon, Del Martin, Harvey Milk, Bayard Rustin, as well as others whom I may not know of or have forgotten.

As a community, both LGBT and straight, we must learn to love ourselves as well as others. We must learn to differentiate between religious ignorance and G-d's true love. I saw a dear friend of mine's picture that read, 'G-d Accepts You~ GAY' and I began to smile deeply. Love, light, happiness and acceptance is finally starting to shine through in the world. May we all continue to live, learn and grow in truth and beauty and create a better and more accepting world for everyone to live in. Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'im'ru Amein: May the One who makes peace, grant peace to all of us and to all Israel. To which we say, Amen.

Yom Ga'avah: Happy Pride!

The Problem With Gay Love

2011-06-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

I got your attention now? Good! Sit down and pay attention.

Have you ever wondered why in pictures of gay marriage rallies you seldom see black gay couples standing and defending this human right? Well, I have. And to piggy back on my last post, I will say it again; it is the social media that creates this black hole into the gay community. But not only is it the sex hook up sites that creates this distorted view of monogamy, but it's the Hollywood adaptation of what gay relationships should be like. You see the tall, physically fit guy who gets the almost flawed but still perfect guy, who happens to also be physically fit. And it creates this notion that the only way to get a successful relationship is to be physically fit.

But what our community fails to understand is that true love knows no boundaries, no judgments, and no conditions. Too long have people confused the idea of love with the feeling of lust. Lust is, at the very essence, conditional. Lust has its infatuation period that all too quickly ends and when it does, we act like love has eluded us yet again. But we can't expect to be ready for love when we can't even distinguish the difference between the two.

Someone asked me what my blog was about and who it is directed toward. Well, I speak for the guys who are subjected to rejection because they don't have a six pack. I speak for the guys who are ridiculed for being feminine and shunned by our own community for it. I speak for the men who struggle every day with being a single gay parent. I speak for the people who are subjected to condemnation because of religious beliefs and forced to live a lie because of it. I speak for the people who are genuinely looking for love but can't seem to find it because the media says they are not white enough, or black enough, or Asian enough or muscular enough or fit enough or rich enough or American enough. I speak for men who are thrown away because they are HIV positive. I speak for you.

People need to wake up to the new light of day and realize that you will continue to be single, bitter and lonely if you don't stop the self hating, racist and judgmental words you put out in the world. What attracts you is one thing, but putting someone down or closing them out is another. We all have a list of what we want our perfect guy or girl to look like but if you haven't lived long enough you won't know that there isn't a thing that is perfect. Use this list as a guideline, not as a contract. Open yourself up to people who are ‘outside of the box’. Then and only then will you find true love. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Gay 2k

2011-06-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

The year 2000 was a year that started a slew of changes: heighten airport security, furious weather conditions, global terrorist attacks, and a decline in the love department in the Chadash dor: new generation of gays. These new young group of homosexuals who were born in the 90s and are entering college in this millennium are being raised on Adam4Adam, BGC, Man Hunt and the numerous club and ball room scene. All of these venues encourage relations more than they do relationships. And that is a problem in many ways.

When I read status messages on Facebook and Twitter saying 'I am looking for my next ex' or 'There is no need for love' or even 'Sex is all I care about.' I just sigh. As disheartening as this is, I propose the question; "What do we expect these kids (literally) to feel when all they see is sex and failed relationships all around them?" The role model's these kids have are their gay mama or daddy who aren't but 3 or 4 years older than them and are single as well. They dream to be the next Shorty J or the next Diesel Washington. The main sources of income they know are part time fast food joints and vogueing at the next ball. The majority of their 24 hour day is spent on Facebook and Twitter for 22 hours talking about what they did moment to moment.

It is sad to watch our next generation getting into relationships and 3 weeks later becoming single. Its hurtful to ask these kids what they aim for in a relationship and they can't come up with an answer. These beautiful kids need our help and our guidance. They need to know that LTR's (long term relationships) do work and they are out there. They need to know that life isn't all about sex, drugs and the internet. They need to know there is more to life than traveling to the nearest Black Gay Pride, just to be sexy and have sex. They need to be educated on the real meaning of Pride. They need to learn about Stonewall, Prop 8, and Harvey Milke Day, among other important gay history.

But they cannot do it alone. We have to help them. We have to teach them and be there for them. I pray that our next generation opens their eyes and minds and holds their self esteem higher than any wayward dick or ass. Love is out there and it will come to you when you mature and are ready to receive it. Whatever your mind can conceive, it will achieve. Ken Yehi Ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Let's Take A Walk

2011-06-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

Tis the season to be jolly and no I am not talking about the overrated season of Santa and his merry elves; it is graduation time! The time when a person has completed their studies and are receiving a diploma for their achievements. High school students are walking across the stage all over in relief that the last four years are finally over. College students are awaiting life with their newly won degrees and some are off to pursue an advanced degree of some sort. But whether you are becoming a college student, a graduate student or just jumping into the workforce; my cap goes in the air for you. Your journey was one that wasn't easy in any way and it has been won with perseverance, dedication and love.

The Talmud comments that "Study is necessary in order to teach." The importance of study is attested to in another Talmudic discussion (Kiddushin 40b) about which is preferred: study or action. The answer there, a seeming compromise, is "study that leads to action." This discussion is liken to the saying 'think before you act/speak' and is one that is very relevant now to graduating students. Although some students have been thinking about their future for years and years, there are those who like to wait till the very last minute to do anything. Well, baby, the time is now. If you don't go on to further your education deeper, then what is your next step? What will you do with your free time? Now is the time to study the pros and the cons and make a decision on where you are going from this point on.

Let's change the statistics of our youth dropping out of high school, college and out of reality. Let us help them make a choice that will better their lives, better their future and broaden their horizons. You may not ever move from the place you were raised but that doesn't mean you can't learn about other places or visit somewhere else. Let's help our kids shut off Facebook, Twitter and MySpace and visit a college campus of their interest. Cut off the television and read about a career plan to get you into the work place. Whatever your goals for life are, make sure it's one that will benefit you in love, happiness and the future. Let's make our generation a generation of change.

Y'varech'cha Adonai v'yishm'recha. Ya-eir Adonai panav eilecha vichuneka. Yisha Adonai panav eilecha v'yaseim l'cha shalom. {May G-d bless you and keep you. May G-d's light shine upon you and may G-d be gracious to you. May you feel G-d's Presence within you always, and may you find peace.}

Mazel Tov!

Hafaygelah: Homophobia in Reglious Life

2011-05-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

In honor of the LGBT Pride season, topics are springing up in my head left and right. I chose to talk about a topic that is very relevant not just in our daily life but in our religious one as well; homophobia. Many religious sects use a verse in the bible to aim their disapproval towards gay men and women: Vayikra (Leviticus) 18:22 which reads in Hebrew is:

וְאֶת-זָכָר--לֹא תִשְׁכַּב, מִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה: תּוֹעֵבָה, הִוא

{Ve-et zachar lo tishcav mishkevei isha to'evah hi}

Translated means 'A man shall not lie with another man as he would lie with a woman, it is a to'evah'. The word to'evah has been misunderstood and incorrectly translated to 'abomination' when it does not mean abomination at all. To'evah means basically 'foreign'. The term to'evah is used almost a hundred and three times in the Tanach (bible) in regards to foreign practices. This is why there is no Hebrew word for homosexual, homosexuality or gay (in the meaning of the latter). The acts of gay sex were foreign and believed to be apart of idol worship. I mean, how many times have you told your kids not to watch something on TV until you researched the show yourself and made sure it was okay for a child? But as time progressed, so did the laws. Homosexuality was seen as a work of Ha'Shem as was heterosexuality. There became a word for gay men and women. Judaism itself does not prohibit or in any way look down upon homosexual love. And in the eyes of Judaism the love between two men or two women can be as natural as the love between a man and a woman.

In other parts of the Tanach was the word to'evah used: Bereshit (Genesis) 43:32 states that eating with Israelites is to'evah for Egyptians. Bereshit 43:34 states that shepherds are to'evah to Egyptians—the sons of Israel are themselves shepherds. In Shemot (Exodus) 8:22, Moses describes Israelite sacrifices as being to'evat mitzrayim (foreign to Egypt), although obviously Israelite ritual is not an objective abomination. If to'evah means abomination, then eating with shepherds, eating with Israelites, and Israelite sacrifices themselves must be abominable! Since this clearly is not the case, to'evah cannot mean abomination. But this has been the case since King James translated Hebrew to his liking and homosexuals at that time were seen as demons and serious sinners who should be obliterated from the earth (or at the very least 'saved'). Many religions now use the King James Version of the bible as the solid truth and no other but G-d could have translated this. This lack of knowledge has birth the rise of homophobia and the unacceptance of gay men and women in religion today.

What is troubling to me are the many preachers and ministers saying Adonai is a being that is all loving and only hates a certain group of people. This is an oxymoron. Something that G-d is not. As stated in my last blog-drash, we are all created in the Divine image and according to Bereshit 1:27, G-d saw what G-d had made and it was good. Human beings, human nature and human sexuality were apart of this goodly sight. So why is homophobia and the unacceptance of homosexuality so relavant in religious life? Answer: The uneducated opinions of people who feel they may be raped by a three hundred pound gay "demon". This is even more sadly growing in the black community where being a homosexual is seen as being less of a man. This is why the 'down low' life is so shockingly alive and gay men and women are subject to abuse that may end in homicide or suicide.

People need to wake up and stop throwing their hateful opinions in with their religious views. G-d cannot dwell where hate (to anything and anyone, including self) resides. So this Pride season, whether gay or not, embrace love and enjoy each breath you take. Stop hating yourself and the people around you because you don’t understand. Don't let something that is to'evah become an abomination. Educate yourself, love yourself and enjoy the peace that was handed to all of us.

Baruch shebara ahavah v'achavah v'shalom v'rei'ut: Blessed is the One who creates love, harmony, peace and companionship. Ken yehi ratzon, may it be G-d's will.

Yatsa ha'aron: Coming Out the Closet

2011-05-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

It is 2011, we live in the 21st century, the world is aging, and everyday gas, food and rent prices are going up. We live in a world where crime is always a story on the news and natural disasters happen all the time. Our society is constantly struggling between the liberal and the conservative views. But if all of these things are changing before our eyes, why is our own gay community still stagnant? The people who have never resided in the closet are still persecuted for their lifestyle, they are still bullied as young kids and are treated with discrimination in all the states for being homosexual. Since gay marriage has become a topic of constitutional discussion in the 1970s, only four states, Washington DC and the Coquille Indian Tribe in Oregon have grated same sex marriages legal in their constitution since the beginning of 2004. Only 11 states have legalized 'civil unions' or 'domestic partnerships' and two don't have a law restricting or permitting gay marriage. It seems that with all of this sluggish and slow changing times, why would people feel the need to come out of the closet? They feel safer to stay, for a lack of better terms, closeted in their own world for numerous reasons. Maybe their job would fire them. Maybe their family would disown them. Maybe they would be judged by their religious peers. Maybe all of the above and more.

But still each day, someone finds the courage to accept the inevitable and open the door to the lightless closet they have been staying in. They become a hero in the eyes of the community because we all know of the coming negativity that will soon (if it hasn't already) ascend. But with each one of us standing by these heroes, they become less alone. They have support and love from people who find their story inspiring. And this makes the negativity that arises, minute. We see the power of people like Sean Hayes, Ricky Martin, Cynthia Nixon and Wanda Sykes. We behold the beauty of people like Ellen, Rosie, Elton John, Ian McKellen, and Lance Bass. And we gaze at the bravery of Don Lemon and the Phoenix Suns president Rick Welts, who aren't apart of the Hollywood style of entertainment. These men are a huge boost to moral because they weren't outted by being caught in the park with a male hooker or hitting on an undercover cop in a male restroom. These men have positive views on life and have been driven to stand up for what is right in life. Rick Welts choose to reveal his personal life after events where Kobe Bryant called a referee a "faggot," and where Tim Hardaway proclaimed, "I hate gay people." Don Lemon has become a wonderful icon for high profile African Americans who are also out and proud gay men, which sadly is less than the number of fingers I have on my hand.

This journey is never easy or without evil. It will be hard but it will be worth it. You may lose friends and family but you will gain so many more people to replace the vacancy. Whatever you believe your G-d to be, just know they will not let you fail or fall. Coming out the closet is a huge step and we will be here to help you all through the pain and confusion that may arise. There is beauty and power in accepting your life as it is. We are all b’tzelem Elohim- created in the image of G-d. All human life, whether straight or gay, is holy and worthy of profound respect and understanding. We are all born the way we are. So let us all start accepting who we are and start betzalmo: thanking G-d for creating us in the Divine image. Kol Adonai ba'ko'ach, kol Adonai be'hadar: Hear G-d's voice in power; hear G-d's voice in beauty.

Thank you Don and Rick for your bravery, inspiration and power. May many more people follow your footsteps and may they have positive influences and support when they come out. Yisa Adonai panav eilecha v'yaseim l'cha shalom: May you all feel G-d's presence within you always, and may you find peace. Ken yehi ratzon; may it be G-d's will.

V'ahavtah L'rey-acha Kamocha: Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

2011-05-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

I have many friends who feel religion is a pointless, mind-slavery waste of time. How could anyone worship a god who is vengeful and a vicious warlord? How can people believe in a book that is full of contradictions? And these friends of mine have every right to feel the way they feel. Especially after the many hate filled protests of Fred Phelp’s congregation or from Rabbi Yisroel Dovid Weiss and his anti-zionist, anti-Israel, burning the Israeli flag beliefs. Why should my friend’s feel the need to believe in a god who can condone such ignorance and baseless hatred?

They shouldn’t. Because that god isn’t real. That god isn’t the god that is illuminated in love and peace. The One who grants peace to the high heavens and to us here is the one who is truly in existence. There is no such thing as ‘love hating’ anything. It would be a lie. It would be an oxymoron. Everything is created in the Divine’s image and everything is given the upmost respect from the Divine. We, as humans, pick and chose how to deal with our fate and our emotions. We, as humans, chose our actions and our worship. We, as flawed humans, carry out the positive or the negative. G-d, in any creation to your liking, just shows us the path. Whether G-d is Dionysus, Hera, Bacchus, Bromios, Dendrites, Jesus, Budda, Adonai, Aphrodite, Muhammad, or any name; if this figure is based solely in love and acceptance for all people, then that is the true meaning of the Divine. The Divine cannot not dwell in hate, ignorance or any variation of the two because we as humans are the one’s who act on such evil.

And this brings about the next question: what about the events in the Bible that portray the Holy One to be a vengeful deity? Well, my rabbi once explained it like this: the bible is not true but it is truth. The events, the stories, the fables in the bible can’t be proven to have happened. So it makes it not true. But the underlying principles, the concepts of the stories, the moral of each tale are what makes it truth. We all can relate to a personal Egypt in which enslaved us and then we were freed from. Whether it is drug abuse, alcoholism, self- homophobia, etc, we all can relate these sufferings to the Passover story. There’s a saying during this festival ‘What G-d did for me, when I came out of Egypt.’ The Divine showed us the way, and we freed ourselves with the help of the Divine. No one can prove that the world was made at the drop of a dime in 6 days but it gives us a guideline into a period where we work, satisfy others, or make a paycheck and a period where we relax and meditate and soak in our surroundings. The Unitarian Universalists church believes that the Christian Bible, or the Torah, or the Qu’ran or any other account of human experience, not to be either an infallible guide or the exclusive source of truth. They respect the sacred literature of other religions. They aspire to truth as wide as the world, they look to find truth anywhere, universally. And it is in this acceptance of all people, this respect for all religions, other than their own, that I see G-d. Because their love for their fellow neighbor shines through. In Judaism, the Nisim B’chol Yom: For Daily Miracles, there is a passage that shows me G-d and unity. “I am a Jew because in EVERY place where suffering weeps, the Jew weeps. I am a Jew because at EVERY time when despair cries out, the Jew hopes. I am a Jew because, above humanity, image of the divine Unity, the Jew places the unity which is divine.”

To love your fellow man as yourself is not so difficult to achieve but for some it is the hardest thing to do. If we look inside ourselves, cleanse the negative energy from our spirit, educate our ignorance and embrace the love that is surrounding us, we can achieve countless miracles in our lives. We can see love like we have never seen it before. In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, “One day, ALL of G-d’s children, white and black, Jews and Gentiles will join hands and sing in that old spiritual song- free at last, free at last, thank G-d almighty, we are free at last.” It doesn’t matter what you believe, what you worship, or what you practice, as long as the love in your life shines through, all good things will come your way. Ken yehi ratzon; May it be G-d’s will.

The 11th Plague

2011-04-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Passover is a weeklong festival that we recall the exodus of the Jews from Egypt slavery and remember the famous event that took the nation by, well what else, storm. The ten plagues. You may know them as; blood, frogs, lice, flies, disease on livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness and the death of the first born. All of these events would be fatal and catastrophic if they infected our nation as a whole. But there is one plague that is not mentioned but is very relevant and affecting our nation in a very negative way; homophobia.

By definition homophobia is described as 'unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality'. By action it is seen as beatings, negative slurs, threats and/or discrimination. As all homosexuals, both lesbian and gay men, are susceptible to this hatred, transsexuals are targeted more frequently. As is shown by recent events on April 18th in Baltimore Maryland when Chrissy Polis was brutally attacked by a 14 year old and an 18 year old female in a McDonalds Restaurant. This infuriates me to the fullest because in 2007, a dear friend and old roommate Katrina was shot to death for being a transsexual. This homophobia, especially high in the south, needs to end and be obliterated. What shocks me next is the fact that a McDonalds employee stood by and videotaped it instead of helping, which I was told many employees cheered the girls on.

I blame the parents, fanatic churches who preach homosexuals a sin and society as a whole. If kids are taught to accept and coexist with everyone at an early age, there wouldn't be any type of hate crimes. It is like the time of segregation: the kids couldn't tell the difference between skin color until the parents told them it was not okay to play with the nigger child from Macon. There is no excuse for ignorance and death don’t cure stupidity, so as we live then things need to change and change now. I shouldn't have to look over my shoulder when I hold my boyfriend's hand in Compton, or kiss my husband in Atlanta, or hug my girlfriend in Dallas. I shouldn't have to be harassed at Gay Pride by idiots who think it's okay to miss church service to hold up signs saying 'G-d Hates Fags' and 'Homo sex is a sin'. There shouldn’t be protests at military funerals saying 'Fags Doom Nation'. But when it happens, when it is encouraged, then it's the hatred that dooms the nation.

Miss Polis and other transsexuals, homosexuals and lesbians shouldn’t have to live in fear in places that lynch people that aren’t blonde hair, blue eyed heterosexual Christians. We shouldn’t have to stay in our houses because we have a rainbow flag in our window and the torch wielding villagers are outside yelling 'Kill the monster!' And while I am on this notion of homophobia as the 11th plague, our OWN gay community needs to grow the fuck up and get over their 5th century fears of effeminate men.

How can we expect change if WE don't change. Posting words like 'no fats, no fems' when looking for a mate doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a punk. It shows how little you know about the people outside of your world and only by what you see on TV. People who say 'Men should act like men and not women' shows the self-hatred in themself because they fear someone might 'mistake' them as gay. Well, guess what honey, YOU ARE GAY. This Down Low life is just the gas station for homophobia to stop, fill up and get a coffee on the way.

Stop the hatred, both to yourself and to others. Change your mindset and then we can change the world. One gay at a time. One girl at time. One person at a time. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Death in Magic Except 1

2011-04-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

Uriel allowed me to sleep the rest of that night and when I woke at the break of dawn, I figured he had withdrawn into his sleep under the house. As I turned over in the bed, I grabbed my pearl rosary from the edge of the bed and put it around my neck. I would’ve fallen back to sleep in complete ecstasy from the night before if what happened next didn’t frighten me to the core. Lucy screamed with much agony. I heard it like it was inside of me even though it was a mile away. I shot up, jumped into my pants, yanked my tinted glasses off the table and ran out the house and toward my horse, which was up. But I heard the scream again and decided there was no time to get to the stable, saddle up and ride, so I ran quickly toward town. My speed began to pick up as I called out Lucy’s name and began to see smoke from the distance. The screaming became more excruciating and bone curdling as I picked up speed and entered the town. No one was on the streets or in their shops. The smoke was coming from Lucy’s booth and it had begun to catch fire. Two men stood at the entrance looking inside and I ran up to them. Before I could ask what had happened, they tried to attack me. The first man, who was overweight and short, swung his fist at my face and the second man, who was also overweight but taller, tried to grab hold of me. Without thought, I grabbed the first man’s fist in midair and snapped it out of place. He plummeted to the ground in pain. The second guy, who had stopped in mid-movement, abruptly started running away. Lucy’s booth was completely engulfed and I had seen a lifeless body bound to a stake and swallowed up in fire.

“Lucy.” I muttered. For that moment, I had completely forgotten about the fat man on the ground until he wrapped his unbroken hand around my ankle. My anger arose and I immediately kicked him with my free foot and broke his jaw. I would’ve killed the man if my mind hadn’t picked up even more danger. My heart sank when I felt my home, our home, was being invaded. I would’ve felt the men around my house if I wasn’t concerned with this elderly woman’s (who I had befriended) life. My emotion was tied into saving her and now that I knew what her fate was, my guard was down. I screamed Uriel’s name as it was the last breath I would take in my life and began running toward the house. My father told me that in time of war, when men were taxed out on battle, there was always a trigger that would snap in them and they would be instantly renewed somehow. It was called adrenalin. And it was flowing through my veins like the fire it felt. Or it could've been Uriel's blood. No way to tell. I called out Uriel’s name again when I saw the house go up in flames and a group of townspeople standing around with tall crucifixes, torches and my horse. A guy, who was no older than me and equally built, turned toward me as I ran up and tried to push me away.

“That’s my house!” I yelled with so much hate in my voice, it scared even me. He just kept pushing me away and when I heard a loud screech from inside; I grabbed the intruders arm and swung him around me and over the cliff into the lake. The other people took notice and tried to block me from entering. At that moment I saw Jeffery, the baker, exit the house with a hand held cross and I was furious. With great force, I pushed people aside like they were little twigs in the way of a path and when I met Jeffery face to face, I heard the screech from inside again. The fire was enraged, like my insides, and the door was almost falling off. I pushed Jeffery aside and made my way to the house. When I entered, everything was clouded by smoke and covered with fire. The bed we made love on was a mass of inferno and the temperature was rising by the second. I heard the screech a third time and saw Uriel branded to the wall by the sunlight, black wings extended as far as the wall itself and wrapped up violently with fire. At that moment, my life didn’t mean anything. I wanted to save Uriel’s. If I could grab and run him to the lake before he died, I could save him. As I pushed pieces of the roof that had collapsed out the way, I heard Jeffery behind me.

“Die creature of the night! It is Christ Jesus who condemns you to hell for eternity!”

That chant was something I heard in the stories my mother told to me in many of her bedtime tales and my heart began to weep.

She must have endured this situation before.

But I couldn’t think of that now. I forged my way through the fire, getting singed as I got closer; but when Uriel’s eyes met mine, I froze. Only for a fraction of a second did I see pity in his eyes and before I knew it, one of his wings flapped and blew me right out of the fire through the nearest window with tremendous energy.

Life in the Notebook Entry 1

2011-04-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

Sunday, April 03, 2011

So I mean I figure that if I want to establish myself in this writing/blogger world, I might as well, um, maybe start writing. More writing that is *wink*. So what better way to start back on it than doing a reality style blog entry every now and then? Its like the most brilliant plan I have ever come up with. Don’t laugh. I am dead ass serious. And you get to see how I really talk when I am not thinking of correct word usage and trying to impress the big people. And by ‘big people’ I mean my Facebook friends.

Okay, so I’m in Target and I am getting ready to start on my ‘Vision Board’ that I had read in the book called ‘The Secret’. It’s a book about the laws of attraction and how what you put out in the universe will come back to you. So putting positive energy and words out there, you get positive things back to you. You get the picture. Well, I going down the aisle with the bulletin boards and going through the piles of overpriced ones till I found the cheapest board. And when you find something cheap at Target, its really actually expensive compared to places like, oh I don’t know, maybe, Wal-Mart. So oddly enough, the asile I am on houses those tall religious Catholic candles with the pictures of the Virgin Mary or the famous fictional character, Jesus. And this child, who can’t be no more than like 7, runs up to a Jesus candle and starts yelling, “Mommy, mommy, Jesus is here! He is here! He returned! He returned! But wait, why aren’t we in Heaven now?” Is it wrong that I just laughed so hard I almost stopped breathing? Good thing I had my headset in and pretended I was talking on the phone.

Now, I live in Los Angeles, or Long Beach to some people, and I am pretty alone on most days because I took it upon myself to pack up and move 400 miles away from all my close friends. I have two that I hold dear to my heart and they are the ones I talk to every day, or if I miss a day, twice a day. Yes, I am that loved. Tonee and Ivan. No truer friends have ever been uttered into my life. Today, after a huge fight with this guy about why I didn’t put salt in my DIETARY soup that ended in him walking out, I was left with this task he had promised me. Making an omelet. Now for people who really know me, I have like minus 2 cooking skills. The only thing I can make is macaroni and cheese from scratch (stop laughing) and the ‘three day slow cooked greens’ my grandmother taught me to make. But who am I kidding, that’s just stirring fucking vinegar and hot sauce in a pot full of water and collard greens. Who can’t do that?

So anyways, I start chopping up things I want to put in my omelet; peppers, onions, mushrooms and I sit at the table and go ‘Oh shit, how the fuck do I make an omelet?’ So instead of waiting for my MetroPCS internet to take 12 days to load a page on how to make the perfect omelet, I message one of the greatest cooks I know, Ivan. After the initial shock of my actual request, I was told to take a pan, mix in my ingredients as I wished into the eggs and put it in the pan as it heated up. Well, no one told me till after that I wasn’t supposed to have the heat on high. I’m sitting there wondering why my eggs are brown on the pan side but all liquidy on top. “Is your heat on high?” “Um, yes.” “Turn it down” “I cant, it only goes from ‘off’ with a space and then ‘high’ and ‘lite’.” “Turn it to the space.” “Ooooh, I didn’t know I could do that with gas fire.”

Okay, don’t judge me. I have been unsuccessful with gas stoves so I just try not to use them. My omelet came out great though! So what it was burnt on one side? I still ate it. Even if I am the only one who eats my own cooking. Look out Top Chef, I am going to put myself in the running. *Rockstar!*

The Jew boy named Jesus

2011-03-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks, in which a handful of my Facebook friends are observing Lent, I began thinking and researching about this man Christians worship named Jesus. Now, my issue doesn't revolve around the constant contradiction that Christianity puts out or with the 'do as I say, not as I do' concept or even with the many scare tactics they place on the people. No, it comes from the constant ignorance of many people (not all) who claim to be Christian, but forget Jesus was a Jew (In fact, this sect was started and run by Peter and Paul, but thats another blog in itself).

Let's take a quick look at the life of the Jew boy named Jesus. Even though he didn't quite keep with Sabbath laws, or keep kosher, or even perform the netilat yadayim - the ritual hand washing before a meal (one might argue he was reform); he did partake in Peseach (Passover) Seders (one is known as the 'Last Supper'), taught in synagogues which was only allowed by people of high standards (may have even been a rabbi for all we know), and performed the mitzvah of submerging in a mikveh or how its known in the Christian world- the baptism. So it brings me to my next point.

I commend people who give up things or food to better ONE'S self but don't say you are doing it because Jesus said do it or because he did it when he 'fasted' for allegedly 40 days and 40 nights. Even if Jesus didn't keep with all the Sabbath laws, he was at the very core Jewish and would have kept with the fasting laws. These laws usually start from sundown and end at sunup (a typical Jewish day, especially in historic days) and with the exception of Yom Kippur, fasting is never permitted on the Sabbath (which starts Friday night and ends 25 hours later on Saturday night), for the commandment of keeping the Sabbath is biblically ordained and overrides the later rabbinically instituted fast days. And if Jesus is who he says he is, he would have kept at least that law.

So people, don't starve yourself (seeing how its unhealthy) for all 40 days of your Lent but be wise and educated. If you are giving up anything for ANY reason, make sure it is to better yourself in life and love and not because a religion tells you to. Much luck to you all.

The Kissing Worlds

2011-02-23T18:27:00.000-08:00

When you have people who are close to you and the people who are close to those people, your life becomes more than just a ball of time. It becomes so much more the currency of the soul running through your veins. Life blossoms with emotion and interactions. It brings time and space into one sitting through the moments when you walk down the street, skate on the beach, bike over the mountains, roll down the hills, and run around the block. It is the life of the living. The life worth living.

But what does one do when this world embraces the next? When it kisses the world of death. As this world turns, the next world turns and the quick kiss is never seen to the eye of the mortal. But how does one comfort the hurt of a friend who has witnessed this kiss? How does a friend take back the chilling moment when time stops?

I pray the time of pain, sorrow and mourning passes quickly. Because when you cry, I cry. When I cry, you cry. We are in this together and our time of pain is here. May the Source of Peace send peace to all who are bereaved and comfort to all who mourn.

Made 4 U Episode 6

2011-01-12T17:38:00.000-08:00

Episode 6 'Tonya'

For Colored Girls Review

2010-11-09T10:59:00.000-08:00

'For Colored Girls' is a movie, written/directed/produced by Tyler Perry, about 9 women, each of the them portray one of the characters represented in the collection of twenty poems, revealing different issues that impact women in general and women of color in particular. The movie is based on Ntozake Shange's play "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf." and has gotten a vast amount of reviews; views on both ends of, if you will, the rainbow. Here I sat with esteemed blogger, SonofBaldwin and dynamic and respected blogger Toddy English as we discussed our own review on this movie:

Sonofbaldwin: Okay, so Jon, please tell Todd what they said to you.

Solobeatz: OMG so I got this dedicated to me after my post: If you hated "For Colored Girls" you need your Black card revoked. We supported "Boys In The Hood" and the other ghetto documentaries, why can't we support Tyler Perry? And then ‘It’s mostly just insecure black men who disliked the movie.’

Toddy English: Furies save us...*shaking my damn head*

Solobeatz: right

Toddy English: I actually got an e-mail asking me "Why do I hold Tyler Perry to such high standards" Like...uhm...maybe because I'm spending money to see his movies?

Sonofbaldwin: My maleness, whatever that means, wasn't insulted by this film so much as my gayness was. And even then, my outrage wasn't so much for myself as it was for Ntozake Shange, who had to watch Tyler Perry mangle her work.

Solobeatz : Maybe if his stories weren’t repeated every time and stereotypical I wouldn’t.

Sonofbaldwin : Let's be clear: Anything good about this film had nothing to do with Perry. It was the actors who made this film even remotely watchable.

Toddy English : I guess everyone went to the same colored theater and heard the irate church girls castigating the Omari Hardwick character...

Solobeatz : RIGHT!

Toddy English : Exactly , this was a true ACTORS movie

Solobeatz : All I heard was 'faggot' this 'fag boy' that but the rape scene was just....'o that’s a freak'

Toddy English : Now how sick is that?

Solobeatz : And we wonder why the black community is so disgusted by homosexuality

Sonofbaldwin : It tells us a great deal about what it means to be considered "a man" in this country.

Toddy English : What bothered me was how many black women were laughing about the domestic violence, rape, and scenes of potential violence

Sonofbaldwin : They laughed??

Toddy English : Are black people really this fucked up? Yes! It floored me

Sonofbaldwin : Wow.

Toddy English : Homophobia aside

Solobeatz : And the fanatic scenes of Whoppis character were added with laughter

Sonofbaldwin : Maybe they laughed in order to distance themselves from something that might have hit close to home?

Toddy English : When Tessa Thompson's character was being "exorcised" the fools in my theater thought the shit was funny. That was not CUTE. I think so Rob. That was the first thing that came to mind

Sonofbaldwin : Being gay, I think we have a special sensitivity to the whole "exorcism" bullshit.

Solobeatz : Mine too, I know I do

Toddy English : I imagine most of those women in the theater were probably abused, molested, or raped, and you laugh to keep from crying

Sonofbaldwin : It's very pervasive.

Solobeatz : or the dudes were dealing with their own sexual insecurities

Sonofbaldwin : Jon, the guys in your theater were making remarks?

Solobeatz : Whoa yes!

Toddy English : Most of the hatred of the Omari Hardwick character came from the women in my theater...

Sonofbaldwin : Mine too.

Toddy English : It was just flat out sickening

Solobeatz : EVERYTIME he was shown

Toddy English : I even told one of them to shut up

Solobeatz : I couldn’t even get the affect of the rape scene because of the constant remarks

Sonofbaldwin : Mostly women in my theater and they didn't mind spewing their homophobia. Black women, now.

Toddy English : Exactly. It was heinous. But it is not like Omari's character helped matters though. He was so thin and one dimensional...Tyler Perry wrote him in as a plot device, nothing more nothing less.

Sonofbaldwin : Speaking of the rape scene, and I hate to phrase it that way, but Anika Noni Rose, in her scene following the rape, was the essential truth.

Toddy English : She really was. I loved how vulnerable she was in that scene.

Sonofbaldwin : Everyone in that film was a plot device.

Solobeatz : It shows that Hollywood only sees black gay men as disease carrying cheaters incapable of having a honest relationship with either a man or a woman

Toddy English : exactly@Jon

Sonofbaldwin : May I ask a question: Why didn't they let Kasi Lemmons direct this movie?

Toddy English : That storyline could have been better had empathy been built towards that character...Instead we get a sensationalized stereotype just to get an audience reaction. Why no Kasi? Easy. Money.

Solobeatz : SMDH

Sonofbaldwin : I guess you're right, Todd. Hollywood is a business, after all. A dirty business.

Toddy English : They know Tyler Perry's name alone guarantees tickets. Moreover, Tyler's writing is so paltry that his target audience can really GET IT.

Solobeatz : Maybe if I go to a white theater it may be different. Oh wait, its for colored girls. Sorry.

Toddy English : lol What could have been an uplifting and empowering movie just turned out to be a big way that black women could come together to hate on closeted gay men.

Sonofbaldwin : Part of me believes that he purposely writes on a third grade level because he underestimates the intelligence of his audience. Or to be put more bluntly, he believes his audience is stupid or uneducated and he wants to make sure they get the messages.

Toddy English : BINGO! I feel the same way. This is a hustle to him. He knows his audience. So he is exploiting them

Solobeatz : I stopped watching Tyler Perry not because he's Tyler Perry but cause he can’t seem to think outside the stereotypical box when it comes to black issues. Someone has to be raped, or abused or infected by something or be a hoe.

Toddy English : EXACTLY!

Sonofbaldwin : And let me just tell you: They are a loyal bunch, the Tyler Perry followers.

Toddy English : Yes they are honey. YES. THEY. ARE

Solobeatz : Just like....wait for it......the fanatics Christians they claim to be. Yes I went there

Toddy English : this negro could fart and write a script about it and they would go in droves

Solobeatz : to the midnight showings in masses, but don't diss him too loud, we may get our black card revoked.

Toddy English : What's funny is that they all refuse to entertain the notion that Perry himself might be a Queen. Which is why they are so quick to espouse the homophobia

Solobeatz : I'm waiting for the NAACP to call me any moment.

Toddy English : Which sickens me. With his sexual confusion and ambiguity Perry should have had more empathy for his DL character. lol so true. Tyler Perry is almost untouchable in the black community, seriously. It's like if you ridicule him you'll be tarred and feathered.

Sonofbaldwin : So, as I was saying: the Cult of Tyler Perry is STRONG, let me tell you. It reminds me, very much, of the idiots of New Birth church in Atlanta, following their down-low preacher, Eddie Long.

Toddy English : Exactly. Same thing.

Solobeatz : You want me to get on that issue? Fine.

Toddy English : The irony is that they hate homosexuality yet FLOCK to gay leaders...lol

Solobeatz : This is why I left the Christian faith.

Sonofbaldwin : Isn't that ironic, though? That these people who DESPISE gays follow them to the edge of the cliff--as long as the gay person never admits it?

Toddy English : LOL crazy

Solobeatz : It was too much hypocrisy and hatred. How can Jesus love me but say I'm going to hell because I'm gay? Really?

Sonofbaldwin : Don't try it Jon, because the Jews ain't no better when it comes to homosexuality. Orthodox Jews in NY entertained gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino and agreed with his homophobic stance. The problem isn't just Christianity; it's religion PERIOD.

Toddy English : Religion in general is anti-gay. That is why I think gays, if they must have it, should invite their own religion.

Sonofbaldwin : Right @ Todd!

Toddy English : It really is easy. I've successfully exchanged "Oh my god" for "By The Furies." It really is simple.

Sonofbaldwin : You will definitely hear me thank Gaea or Athena or Isis at any given time of the day. LOL!

Solobeatz : I will admit, Orthodox Jews are no better. But when I chose to re-embrace Judaism I made sure to go into a branch that welcomes gay rabbis and openly gay members with open arms

Toddy English : I personally feel no need for religion. Growing up a devout Christian and then leaving that mentality behind I came to the realization that I was conditioned to "need" it rather than actually needing it.

Sonofbaldwin : @Jon: That's like saying, "When I go down south, I make sure that I go to the Ku Klux Klan rally that only yells at black people rather than lynch them." The institution ITSELF is the problem, not the interpretation of some of its members.

Solobeatz : Ok fine, I will go back to Wiccan then.

Sonofbaldwin : Preach, Todd! LOL @ Jon!

Solobeatz : There solved that one. Lol

Toddy English : And I can't really bother reconciling myself with a faith that deems me abominable just for the sake of having faith. So I don't get religious gays...lol But that is their right so...

Solobeatz : It is, but I don’t see myself as religious for the record. I typically don’t keep kosher, I don’t chant Torah, hmmm.....I wonder how my mother would feel.

Sonofbaldwin : But we digress: Now that we've trashed this film, was there anything you liked about it? Whose performances did you like best?

Solobeatz : I think Phylica Rashad was good for when she was shown.

Toddy English : Oh I can't rave enough about the actresses

Solobeatz : And Whoppi played the hell out her character.

Toddy English : I love Phylicia Rashad in everything. A truly beautiful actress who has mastered her art

Sonofbaldwin : Phylicia Rasahd shined in the scene where she comforts Thandie Newton's character.

Solobeatz : Whoa yes!

Toddy English : I loved Thandie Newton. Some people think she was over the top; but I loved every moment she was on screen.

Solobeatz : They sleep on her too much

Sonofbaldwin : But, and Jon you mentioned this earlier: Why did she run down the stairs to get help for Kimberly Elise's character instead of helping her or calling the cops?

Solobeatz : Right! I mean, you can get keys and walk into people's apartment all throughout but when it matters MOST....you run 5 FLIGHTS and yelling in the street

Sonofbaldwin : What was running downstairs going to do--except put the characters exactly where Tyler wanted them to be (all together on the street) when Michael Ealy dropped those kids out of the window.

Toddy English : I was not feelin Loretta Devine. I believe Tyler Perry wanted to play Madea for that part and opted for Loretta Devine after Shanges (sp?) held him at gun point

Sonofbaldwin : @Todd: I don't think Thandie was over the top, but I didn't buy her performance as authentic. Thandie is normally a remarkable actress, though. She was the SHIT in BELOVED.

Solobeatz : And was I the only one who saw 'The Color Purple' (yet again) and Waiting to Exhale written into the script?

Sonofbaldwin : Right. Loretta DeVine was the Colored Girl Madea. And The Devil Wears Prada.

Toddy English : oh TOO much devil wears Prada honey. I thought Miranda Priestly got a tan

Solobeatz : Oh how could I forget Janet's character!

Sonofbaldwin : Down to the hairstyle.

Solobeatz : But like all of his movies, we had the bitch character with no reason to why she was a bitch.

Toddy English : Sorta like he stole the scene from An Officer and a Gentlemen at the end of Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Solobeatz : Except she had money. Is that how all black women are in power and money?

Toddy English : I think Perry has something against wealthy people in general. If you are impoverished you are good. Wealthy, you are evil.

Solobeatz : But yet he idolizes Oprah.

Toddy English : Thank you! His big ole rich fag hag

Solobeatz : He wants to be her, drag and all

Toddy English : YES SIR!

Sonofbaldwin : Oprah is his therapy buddy. They have the common experience of abuse between them. They exalt their abuse to god-like status. Include Mo'Nique and Lee Daniels in the bunch, too.

Toddy English : I know...Sexual abuse is no joke but sometimes I wonder...How much can you put your childhood trauma on display?

Solobeatz : Until people stop paying to see it.

Toddy English : Oprah will tell you she was raped and molested before she'll tell you what time it is

Sonofbaldwin : I've decided that Oprah, Tyler, Lee and Mo'Nique are engaged in a public revenge fantasy. Their art is revenge against the people who abused them when they were young and we're all watching it played out. In the process, however, they're giving the world a distorted picture of black life. Sure, life ain't all good. But it damn sure ain't all bad, either.

Toddy English : Yep. All of Perry's insecurities and foibles are available throughout his films.

Solobeatz : Life is life, but damn, can I see some roses sometimes?

Toddy English : It sickens me that this is the sum of black life according to him. What about an ordinary dysfunctional black family that does not have rapes, beatings, and molestation? Exactly. Sometimes *gasp* life can be sweet.

Solobeatz : OMG really? I could never tell.

Sonofbaldwin : Their work gives white people permission to say, "See? I told you they were animals! That's why we have to oppress them. Left to their own devices, black people will destroy us all." In Tyler's movies, women can only be happy when they marry their dream guy.

Solobeatz : Bobby you are so dead on. A big muscular wealthy black man

Toddy English : EXACTLY! A light skinned muscular dream boat. OH he gotta be saved too, don't forget that. Furies forbid you marry a man that ain't saved

Sonofbaldwin : YES @ LIGHTSKINNED! Only one exception was that fine ass Idris Elba in DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS.

Toddy English : Yeah he may be working and be really nice...BUT if he ain't got jesus he ain't shit

Solobeatz : Oh, I love him.

Toddy English : Amen FINE @$$ Idris

Solobeatz : Stringer Bell

Toddy English : Chile let me quit

Sonofbaldwin : Am I the only one who thinks that Idris Elba and that chocolate piece of lightning Lance Gross are FINE? Lol

Solobeatz : LOL. Add me to the bunch

Toddy English : Add me, especially on Idris! I'd let that man touch my body like Mariah Carey!

Sonofbaldwin : Idris is probably a top, though. We'd never work out. LOL!

Solobeatz : HA!

Toddy English : I love those tops

Solobeatz : Amen

Sonofbaldwin : LOL @ Mariah. Oh, man--did you hear she had to drop out of FOR COLORED GIRLS because she was pregnant, but then lost that baby? She's pregnant again, though.

Solobeatz : Wow.

Sonofbaldwin : And we love you right back @ Todd! Lol

Toddy English : Oh I didn't know she lost a baby! But she is still expecting. I think it is due early next year. So she wasn't takin no chances. I would have liked to have seen her in the role though.

Solobeatz : I'm not a big Mariah fan.

Sonofbaldwin : Oh, and let me not forget to shout out Tessa Thompson! She was impeccable in the dance school scene. And Macy Gray was FRIGHTENING!

Solobeatz : 'Open yo legs girl' I vomited a little

Toddy English : I loved Tessa Thompson every since her role on Cold Case a few years ago...That was an excellent episode. lol Jon. So true. Macy did scare the shit out of me.

Solobeatz : So apparently the queen who tried to come for me on my comment was read by someone else. About saying how could having an opinion make me insecure?

Toddy English : Some people go to any length to defend his mediocre work

Sonofbaldwin : I'll give Tyler credit for recognizing a diva when he sees one. (How can people NOT believe he's gay? LOL!)

Solobeatz : No, no, no he isn’t gay. Never. *looks around rolling eyes*

Toddy English : LOL I know right? I mean he just SCREAMS Queen. Even my mother, who is in her 60's, asked me if he was gay

Solobeatz : I remember when he told Oprah that he was added room in his closet for someone special. Never saw that woMAN did we?

Toddy English : LOL

Sonofbaldwin : Oh, BTW: The numbers are in. FOR COLORED GIRLS comes in third behind Megamind and Due Date: http://boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/

Toddy English : Well, he did bring his gay man's girlfriend with him to a premiere (the gay man's GF: Tall, think, modelesque, and is only with a male celeb for a photo op). Oh thank goodness. Maybe people are waking up to Tyler Perry's Tom Foolery.

Solobeatz : Now that all has been said here, I will finally do my blog on this....wonderful, inspiring, uplifting movie of Tyler's that he always seems to do. *sarcasm*

Toddy English : lol I don't think Perry has any incentive to prove

Solobeatz : At all

Toddy English : It's like throwing raw meat to squirrels. If the squirrels have no nuts and get hungry enough they'll eat the meat.

Solobeatz : Right!

Toddy English : And Robert, you were right about one thing. During Omari Hardwick's cruising scenes I felt the MOST authenticity...Miss Perry knew how to film and direct those! sho nuff

Solobeatz : Shhhh....we wouldn’t want his secret to get out. Lol

Toddy English : Lmao

Sonofbaldwin : LOL!

Solobeatz : Shall we say an ending prayer? Lol

Sonofbaldwin : Hell nah. Lol

Solobeatz : lmao

Toddy English : Furies Be praised

Sonofbaldwin : LOL!

Solobeatz : Praise be to Yevon
Sonofbaldwin : O mighty Isis! Okay, fellas. I am off! You have a lovely day!

Solobeatz : Ciao

*For more blogs by these wonderful men visit Son of Baldwin at http://sonofbaldwin.blogspot.com/, Toddy English at http://sirtoddyenglish.blogspot.com/ and Solobeatz at http://solobeatz.blogspot.com/ *

For Colored Queens, sorry Girls...

2010-11-07T16:26:00.000-08:00

After much debate, persecution and told that I should have my 'black card' revoked, I am doing a blog review on what I thought on Miss Perry's current movie 'For Colored Girls.' As I sit and wait for the NAACP to call my cell phone, I will say that I thought the movie was yet again an adaptation of homophobia, bigotry and an explotation of stereotypes. The main point that made this movie bullshit, yes I said it, BULLSHIT to me was the fact that Janet Jackson's husband (played by Omari Hardwick) had to be a DL, self hating bisexual who (wait for it) infected Janet with, yes, HIV. Like the black community doesn't hate the gay community enough, let's exploit the fact that black gay men can't be anything more than disease carrying, down low brother's who are incapable of having an honest relationship with neither a male or female. Not only that, he contacted the virus from a random hooker, like it would be taboo to have him contact something from a lawyer, doctor or some other degree carrying citizen. Why was this story arc introduced? Nevertheless, I digress.

The acting in the movie was phenomenal I thought, and if it wasn't for these cast members, the movie wouldn't have been as intense as it was. Whoopi Goldberg had the fanatic Christian role down to a tea and Phylicia Rashad was beautiful and dynamic. I was very impressed by the evil incarnation that Michael Ealy played and I was thoroughly moved by Loretta Devine and her constant role she plays. But still love her in everything. Well not Dreamgirls, but that was a cameo, so it doesn't count.

But by all means, don't take my word for it. Go see for yourself. One of my best friend loved it and we are, gasp, still friends. Yet and still, I am waiting on that call.

Love Hurts When Lust Hunts

2010-11-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

So many of us have this blind notion that all relationships in this world should be committed, honest and faithful. We also are told that with these things in place, we can not go wrong in the success of our relationships. But where are these people when our partner has cheated even after we instilled these said qualities into the equation? They tell us that there is someone ELSE out there for us. Well, look around. Still waiting? I thought so.

Now with every rule, there are exceptions. There are people who blossom in the fairytale ending and the fairytale ending sticks. But they are just that, exceptions. We shouldn't base our past on these other people's success when our failings have made us bitter. It only makes matters worse. I can't help but wonder, 'why do people cheat?' And, I do not have an answer, but merely an opinion.

Love hurts the most when lust is on the hunt again. When our 'committed' relationships have became stray jackets than a greenhouse. For this reason, most people don't even entertain the notion of 'open relationships' but they are truly alive and they do work. But as for our committed cousins, there are exceptions to this open relationship rule. I find it to be a more freeing and more loving thing to be with someone who cares for you and cherishes you without the tie down of expectations. Expectations is what invites disappointments in as soon as they are not met or are diverted from. I find that at this current moment, an open relationship is the answer to my insecurities for the reason that if at any given moment, I can back out without hurt feelings getting in the way.

But we all can't get caught up in what other people have. By all means, if a monogamous, faithful, committed partner is what works for you, keep aiming for it. You will get it in due time. But don't let your expectations cloud your judgments, feelings and emotions. Love in itself knows no borders, only foundation. Everything its in is possible for growth.

Hateful World, Dumb Society

2010-10-04T10:09:00.001-07:00

I was sitting in my bathroom thinking of how to style my hair and ran across a Time magazine about pregnant women. Ironic? Yes. But it wasn't this article that drew me in, it was the article about Fred Phelps Westboro Church in Topeka, Kansas that had picketed a dead soldiers funeral with signs saying 'Thank G-d for 9-11', 'G-d hates fags' and 'Thank G-d for dead soldiers'. Their reasoning behind this picketing, which the solider Matt Synder wasn't gay by the way, is that G-d is punishing American soldiers for our tolerance of homosexuality. My mind didn't go to the current lawsuit about the 1st Amendment battle in the Supreme Court now, but it went to how our world can be so bias to shit that happens day to day.

These fanatic Christians see protesting a dead soldier's funeral nonetheless as doing and carrying out the work of Jesus. That this kind of behavior is indeed sanctioned and approved by his will. Now, I am completely over the whole 'G-d hates fag' ordeal, I am used to it, but it's the '9-11' and 'Dead Soldiers' signs; held by little kids as well, that breaks my heart. The society as a whole doesn't even condemn this kind of behavior, but let the fanatic Jews fuck up once and it's 'lets reinstate the Holocaust' or 'burn synagogue libraries'. Let the fanatic Muslims fly a plane into tall buildings and it's 'Dedicate a day to burn Qu'rans'. But when we have a fanatic Christian leading thousands of people to mass suicide, it's 'Oh let's turn our head'. Or Jerry Falwell's many stupid and idiotic remarks about abortion and fagatry, and it's 'Oh, that's sad to hear.' Or Pat Robinson's remark about Haiti making a deal with the devil 700 years ago and 'that's why G-d sent that massive earthquake.'

We live in a hateful world and dumb society that thinks that fanatic Christians should only be slapped on the wrist and then keep it moving. It's the laws of mathematics that what you do to one side, you do to the other. If these people are gonna condemn Muslim, Jews, Catholics and every other religion known to man, then do it to everyone. Oh, but that would require looking into the mirror and blaming themselves. You have Eddie Long convicted of sexual assault on these men and majority of people are sticking with him, but let a Catholic priest be convicted of molestation of an alter boy, regardless of age, and we want his head on a silver platter.

It's this type of hypocrisy on issues like homosexuality in our society that has lead to a frightening number of young children, CHILDREN, to commit suicide over being bullied by their sexual orientation. Not just this month, but in years prior. If we, as a society, do not change and reform our 1934 views on life issues, then we will surely be stunted in our growth and in our maturity as an nation that was once deemed 'Land of the Free'. It's sad, but it's true.

Happniess Is You

2010-09-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

As Amtrak is sailing down the valley long, I am reminded as I stare out the window are the corn fields (what I am assuming are corn fields, maybe tomato plants) that a heavy burden that was on my shoulders has been lifted recently. That the door to my joy is open again with the Reducto charm cast by my happiness (Yes I did reference Harry Potter, thank you!). Too many negative things happened over the last year that caused my joy to shrink and crawl away. Even after seeing my best friends, I would waddle back into my hole of seclusion and not be heard from again. Then, something extraordinary happened. I found myself. I found the release I had so long been searching for and it feels wonderful. A rabbi whom I had never met before commented that I was radiating with joy. Radiating is the term he used. I knew then, my time had come.

When I stood up to address the congregation Friday night, I felt a wave of passion and love over myself and the smile on my face was stuck in place. True happiness will pave the path to ultimate joy. Binding friendships will lead the pack to everlasting love. Anyone trying to push you off this journey needs to be kicked out of your life. This time on earth is too short to bitch and moan about what could've happened if things were different. News flash, things happened just as they were meant. Cash it in and bank the money and go out and get more.

My happiness is here to stay!

AAA (Always Attitude Attractions)

2010-06-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

AAA in this case does not stand for American Automobile Association, but for Always Attitude Attractions. Its the 101 of basic human interaction. A formula of molecules that accumulate and converts to energy over time. It's an acronym that defines the very essence of one's cause and effect. Ever heard the saying, 'put good out there, good will return'? Well, that's an example. Your attitude will lay out the blueprint of your final transaction to a situation. If you're a bitter person, you will attract bitter people and cause people who are sweet to either 1) become infected or 2) run away in the opposite direction. Helen Keller said 'Keep your face in the sunshine and you wont see the shadows'. Her attitude was a remarkably positive one. It surrounded her with love and care. Ever wonder why people around you do shady things ALL the time? Or why you cant seem to 'catch a break'? Then change your attitude.

My grandmother told me that the only way to change the world is to change my attitude. The world from day to day, minute to minute is me. When I die, my world is gone. Now the physical world that I walk on everyday, I am given two choices; infect it with negativity or inject it with positivity. It's great to vent out anger and stress but don't let it control you. Don't allow someone else's ignorance and stupidity affect your response to it. 'Kill it with kindness' is a saying has always been a hidden weapon that most people, especially most gay men I've met, have failed to use. It not only surrounds you with kind vibes but forces the objecting party to become aware that their vibes are opposite. If they choose to change or not is on them. We have to stop thinking we can change other people's opinion because we feel we are right, just to have something caddy to say back and/or to have the last word.

I say all this to say that even though I have gone through some hell and high water, some petty ass drama, the lowest valley point, I can look back and say that I surrounded myself with friends who were there to help, love and accept. No matter what kind of fallen out we've had, our attitude has kept us afloat and surrounded by love. If they threw a party, and invited everyone they knew, they would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say 'THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND'.

You attract what you put out. Plain and simple.

The Devil Wears Prada

2010-06-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

Gay demons making your life a living RuPaul video? Well, have we got the cure for you!

Has any of this ever happened to you?

You wake up in the middle of the night inexplicably covered in sequins.

You hear disembodied voices chanting, "Chile, please!"

You've seen the face of Diana Ross on your toast.

You've had the strange urge to decorate your home like Candace Olsen.

Your radio will only play "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.

Your television will only play reruns of Dynasty.

All of the clothes in your closet have been rearranged by designer.

There are days when the only words that leave your lips are "Liza Minnelli."

If so, you may be possessed by a gay demon. So, who you gonna call?

Why, the Pentecostal church, of course, to order Holy Ghostbusters!

Amaze your friends and family when, with the help of Holy Ghostbusters, you transform yourself from a sissy who plays with dolls to a thug who knocks up young women and slings dope!

But don't just take my word for it. Listen to what excited parishioners are saying:

To deliver someone of demons is an act of love and care—a noble struggle to save the subject from the clutches of the Devil. "I deal with spiritual warfare a lot," says Vivian [Robinson], a registered nurse who is a high-ranking elder in the church. "We believe things can be cast out through the blood of Jesus and the faith and calling on God's power . . . I have cast the spirit out of Kevin. Oh, my God, it's a lot of work."

"He was over the toilet vomiting as I began to call out the spirits," she recalls. Kevin, or something inside Kevin, started to scream. "I mean a horrific scream, like none you've ever heard. Because that spirit didn't want to come out. But then it began to yield."*

*Results may vary. Holy Ghostbusters is not approved by the American Medical Association or the Food and Drug Administration. Some of the side effects include chronic lying, low self-esteem, depression, insanity, suicidal thoughts, and, in some instances, death. Do not use Holy Ghostbusters if you are already pretending to be heterosexual. Holy Ghostbusters does not work on lesbians because Jesus thinks girl-on-girl sex is hot. Republicans, bisexuals and transgendered individuals should see their pastors before using Holy Ghostbusters.

To receive your Holy Ghostbusters, send your tithe offering of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) to:

The Holy Ghost Temple Church
30 Massasoit Ave
West Springfield, MA 01089-1122

Or call

(413) 781-3754

If you order within the next fifteen minutes, you'll get three free Jesus Christ barf bags--lovingly crafted from the finest oil-based plastics and adorned with the glowing, white face of our savior--to contain any pesky gay demon vomit that might be thrown up. And as an extra added bonus, you'll receive the latest CD from "ex-gay" gospel singer, Donnie McClurkin.

So you'll get the Holy Ghostbusters kit, three Jesus Christ barf bags, and a Donnie McClurkin CD all for a low tithing of $19.95, plus shipping and handling.

(Any states that permit gay marriage, same-sex civil unions or same-sex domestic partnerships must add a 10% sales tax.)

Order now!
*Paid for by the Association of Son of Baldwin. All Rights Reserved.*

Un (X)plainable

2010-05-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

After my great and awesome trip to Long Beach Pride the weekend of May 17th, I came back to Northern Cali with a thought on my mind. Why do I still feel this way? Why is it that I am still attached?

Answer?

For certain people, they have a person in their life that makes them smile, heart beat twice, and butterflies in the tummy. The catch is, there is no relationship between these people and it is fine. But it wasn't always like that. This type of bond is the 'Unexplainable Bond' and it is not to be confused with Soul Mates. Because Soul Mates typically are in relationships. This unexplainable bond is self explanatory, it is un-explainable. It takes work to make it work and that’s why there is usually only one person to share it with. To me, it takes three steps to make this type of friendship work.

1) Acceptance

2) Dealing

3) Making it work

Acceptance; Step one. You can never get over something or someone if you don’t acknowledge and accept that your friendship will never blossom past that. You have to be willing to accept this truth and come to peace with it which brings us to step two...

Dealing; However you have to do it, then as Nike says, JUST DO IT! If it means cutting the person off for a while, limiting your time with them, taking a longer vacation, etc. I don’t care. If it works for you, then I love it. This is the hardest step to do and most people can't get past it or they relapse too many times or even end with cutting the person off entirely, which says that you don’t have that bond. Dealing with an issue is as hard as you can imagine. Try sleeping with a broken heart and then tell me that it’s easy. Exactly.

Making it Work; The reward is the lasting friendship with someone who knows you, understands up, accepts you, laughs with you (sometimes at you), helps you and makes you happy. What better friend to have in your life than this? Sometimes best friends are made with this bond; sometimes best friends don’t even have this bond. This bond is something deeper and making it work on a neutral level is a job in itself, but it’s worth it.

Conclusion?

If you don’t accept that you won't get farther with a person you love than friendship, and don’t deal with it, you will drive yourself crazy. Not everyone is entitled to experience this feeling and it may never happen for some of you. But for those that can look back and agree with this blog post will understand. Love is more than an emotion that causes pain, rage, bliss and ecstasy. It forms bonds between people that can be defined, written, spoken and sometimes it leaves bonds that are, well, unexplainable. Believe and you can find happiness in your life in the deepest confusion you may face in life.

The New DL Gay...sorry G0y...

2010-04-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

The New Gay

Ken Yehi Ratzon

2010-04-22T12:55:00.003-07:00

As I sat in the hospital room of my friend Dante and watched him struggle, fight and suffer through his illness, I continuously prayed the Mi Sheberach all the while preparing in case I had to start reciting the Mourner's Kaddish. In the deepest part of my heart, I believe that humans (if only myself) should always prepare for the worst, but always and fervently hope for the best. My prayer to G-d was one to heal him and let my friend survive this deadly battle and to help his family through what may happen if.

That 'if' is what most people pray for G-d not to do, and its completely natural. We, as humans, fear death especially one that arrives so early, so sudden and so young. We ask G-d not to take our babies, our loved ones, to not leave us alone, to keep them here a little while longer. You get the point. A good friend said to me, 'I will pray for healing and may it be G-d's will that he live.' As I read the last part of his statement, I was reminded about the hebrew 'ken yehi ratzon'~May it be G-d's will~ and thought, what if it's G-d's will to take my friend? That his life has been successfully fulfilled in G-d's eyes? That now the prayer shouldnt be for G-d not to take Dante, but to help US through the taking. Help us understand, even though knowing how hard and confusing it will be.

My prayer after that day wasn't the Mi Sheberach but, sadly, then became the Mourner's Kaddish. And no matter how much I prepared for that feeling, no matter how hard I prayed that I would understand, when the call came in at 5:20am that morning, I sent it to voicemail. I wasn't ready to hear it. Ten minutes later, another call came through and at 5:50am, I finally answered the 3rd call. I was lost, hurt, and confused. I became angry with G-d and wondered why G-d had me experience death face to face. Why this had to be the time to see it upfront? I heard of Katrina's murder weeks after it happened, Krys's mom called me a month after he passed, a police officer told me about Jerel's death, I received a call from Glenny's sister that he passed, and I was told at work about Christian's murder. But Dante? I watched him laugh in his hospital bed claiming he was leaving in 2 days, slip into a coma the day after, and slowly die in front of me.

I have no idea why, but can only say that there is some purpose to why it happened the way it did. Zichronam l'Vracha ~"May their memory be for blessing'.~

The Passover Seder...With the Four Sons!

2010-03-25T14:43:00.001-07:00

Chag Samach!

2010-03-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

Pesach, known as Passover in English, is a major Jewish spring festival, commemorating the Exodus from Egypt over 3,000 years ago. The ritual observance of this holiday centers around a special home service called the seder (meaning "order") and a festive meal; the prohibition of chametz (leaven); and the eating of matzah (an unleavened bread). On the eve of the fifteenth day of Nisan in the Hebrew calendar, we read from a book called the hagaddah, meaning "telling," which contains the order of prayers, rituals, readings and songs for the Pesach seder. The Pesach seder is the only ritual meal in the Jewish calendar year for which such an order is prescribed, hence its name.

View the rest here Pesach (Passover) - URJ.

Made 4 U Excerpt

2010-03-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

I returned the smile and walked down the hall into my office. Before I reached it, I had stopped at the conference room I had officially met Chris in. My mind ran back to that day and I abruptly snapped back to reality. My office was cold and a mess. Apparently a temp had been hired to work while I was out and it made me a tad bit upset. These people didn’t have the slightest decency to clean up before I returned? But then again, it didn’t baffle me too much given who was in charge. Disaster and uncertainty thy name is Frank Hudson. I threw my bag on the floor beside my desk and then threw myself into my chair. It felt so good to be back at work and as I smiled and cut on my desktop, I noticed a stamped document with Gary Stapleton’s signature on it. A laugh came out and I tossed it aside. That’s when the knock came at my door. It was Frank.

“Good morning, Frank.” I greeted, still smiling. Frank nodded and walked in, closed the door and sighed.

“First, how are you feeling?” he started softly and slowly.

“First? What is this, the number game? I’m good, have an appointment with a psychiatrist this afternoon.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear you are getting help.”

“Yes, yes I am. Did you need something? I thought there was a ‘second’?”

Frank sighed again and then pulled out some papers from his back pocket.

“Second, before you get too comfortable, it came to our attention that you don’t have a degree in law.”

I leaned forward on my desk with the most confused look on my face.

“You knew that when you hired me.”

“Well, HR is cracking down on us to have the proper documents for our employees.”

“Proper docu- wait, are you firing me?”

I stood up and walked over to face Frank.

“Kenny, we can’t afford any type of liability.”

“You mean to tell me that for the week I was off, you found someone to do my job and because I tried to commit suicide with a failed attempt obviously, you don’t want that ‘liability’ that I may do it again. Let me guess, Gary put this in your mind?”

“This has nothing to do with your job performance or Gary at all.”

“Really?” I blurted out, walking to my desk and holding up the document I found, “Then why was he in my office?”

Frank didn’t speak. He just walked to my desk and placed the papers down he was holding and took a pen from his chest pocket and placed it on top. I stared at the papers that read, ‘Termination of Employment’. Frank was saying something to me; some bull about it has nothing to do with my life. I just stared of the papers and got a glimpse of Gary slowly walking by my office. Anger rose in my blood and I completely stopped hearing Frank. Abruptly I took the pen, signed all the papers, picked up my bag and walked out the office. Margaret was on the phone when I stormed passed and she looked like someone just killed her dog. When I got on the elevator, I was alone. I had to go down a few floors, so I dropped my bag, hugged myself and cried.

Shabbat Shira 2008

2010-03-01T13:14:00.001-08:00

Anderson Cooper on Ellen

2010-02-17T15:49:00.001-08:00

2864 Miles

2010-02-01T19:25:00.000-08:00

They wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away. They wonder why I dont call like a person is supposed to call. They wonder how on earth can someone who just packed up and moved, not keep in contact. Well, it seems that distance isnt enough when it comes to family. That if you don't follow the plan they laid out, nothing you do is good enough. Nothing you say will change their minds.

And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.

I am the only person, on both my mother's side and father's that moved and didn't come back. I seem to be the only person that can survive without having 3 kids by several different men and counting on welfare and section 8 to get me a place. I seem to be the only person that didnt get a house handed to me cuz my mother moved. I seem to be the only one that marriage didnt take me from my parents house years and years after I graduated. I seem to be the only one with my own house in another state, going to school full time and STILL debt free. Still able to become a father soon and not care what they have to say about it.

And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.

I am jewish, I am gay, I am in a relationship, I am a parent to be, I am a student, I am a free standing black man. Why don't I need to come back to Virginia to the family that thinks my life is messed up? Oh, well since the Tipton family here treats me like their own, why bother. Since the Hudson family in North Carolina can treat me as their own, why bother? Since Congregation B'nai Israel can treat me as their own, why bother? Since I have someone who loves me in Miami, why bother? I'm sorry that I worked my ass off to get where I am and didn't get my tutition paid by my parents. I'm sorry that I am the only man in my family that the Army didn't get. I'm sorry I finished high school and didn't stay in VA. I'm sorry that I didn't get a laptop for college from my folks when I was told they were broke. I'm sorry that my mother is a complete hypocrite and that she talks about me with my siblings behind my back. I'm sorry that my father is stuck in 1970 when lava lamps were the shit. I'm sorry that my cousin moved in with me, had money but didn't pay her share of the rent, in turn is why I kicked her out. I'm sorry that the church my mother attends is the reason she is like she is. I'm sorry that my sister has been in college for 5 months and thinks she is a professor on Judaism. I'm sorry my father told me to write an autobiography about "my screwed up life" and now this note is posted.

And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.

Made 4 U (fka Unisex The Town) Epi5 Excerpt

2010-01-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

When I had unlocked the door to the apartment I have in Downtown Oakland, I noticed all the lights were on; the kitchen light, the light above the stove, the living room light, all the lamps in the living room, and the bedroom light. I never made it to see if the bathroom light was on, because that’s when I began to hear movement. My feet scurried across the floor and a smile broke across my face when I knew it was my lover in the bedroom. He stopped me in my tracks by coming to the door with a blank look on his face. I saw that the bathroom light was on and four suitcases that had been packed and sat by the foot of the bed. William began to close the bedroom door and I began to wonder what was going on.

“You didn’t tell me you found a place.” I naively started.

“I didn’t,” he coldly responded and then moved me out the way to walk past and into the living room. I saw him grab movies that I know he had bought, walked back into the bedroom and put them in an open suitcase on the bed.

“They sending you on an assignment?”

William sighed and looked at me.

“No,”

“Talk to me please!”

He zipped up the fifth suitcase and slammed it on the ground by the others.

“Do you know what it felt like to see you lying in the bathtub half dead?”

My eyes were zoned in onto my feet and I walked unconsciously to the bed and slowly sat at the foot.

“Do you have ANY idea of what would have happened if I decided not to come home?” William’s voice grew louder and angrier. Without thinking I replied there was only one idea.

“This is no time to fucking joke,” he boomed, “Imagine me hanging from a ceiling fan with a belt around my neck.”

“I can’t,” I whispered.

“Well, you forced me to live and be a witness to that feeling. The pain and the horror that shot through my body is something nobody should ever feel. Ever!”

“And do you ever care why I tried to kill myself?”

“No, there is no excuse to ending-“

“I am HIV positive, William, H-I-V POSITIVE!” I stood up at this point, my eyes full of tears and at a yell.

“And, so what? People have syphilis, people have influenza, people have fucking virus’s every single day and they live with it. You are no special, Kenny!”

“Who, who in the hell do you know that lives with influenza? Exactly, you’re being completely stupid and insensitive to what I am dealing with right now.”

William picked up two of his suitcases and walked toward the front door as I followed.

“So, you’re leaving me cause I tried to kill myself? I need you to talk to me, please.” I heard the plea in my voice and him not answering. He just walked back past me into the bedroom and got two more suitcases. And I followed.

“William, don’t do this please. I…I need you to be here with me. I love you. Please, stop! Don’t give up on me!” I cried as he carried the last suitcase past me. He spun around and I saw anger in his eyes like I did that night.

“I gave up on you when you gave up on yourself.”

And everything after that was pretty much a blur.

Introduction to New Blogger

2010-01-22T12:15:00.000-08:00

I'm new to the blogging world, my friend Jon (my best friend from my early childhood) asked me to blog for him and I am very excited about it. I'm currently a student @ North Carolina A&T state university at which im studying broadcast production. I have learned that bloggin is a key tool in the world of media is using all form because everything is converging. So over the course of my semester I while be opinion blogging about the projects I am doing as well as showing these projects for who ever would interested.

Give Me Away (Kaddish Yatom)

2010-01-19T17:29:00.000-08:00

When I die give what's left of me away

to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother walking the streets beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.

You can love me best by letting hands touch hands,
and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn't die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away.

Dedicated to Katrina: You will be missed

Donnie McClurkin Gay Rant

2010-01-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

How surprising was it that none other than the infamous Miss Donnie McClurkin gave a sermon on how being gay was the same as being a vampire? And how surprising was it that this said sermon was held at a Church of God in Christ convention? Not surprising? I didn't really think so. Since the COGIC business is ran by closeted and self hating queens, not to add homophobic heteros. It appalls me on how easily these words just flow from his mouth, just how much a black person who lives on Wisteria Lane can talk bad about a black person living in Florida Evan's apartment appalls me.

Donnie became famous (and more confused) when he went public to say that he was delivered from his homosexuality. Now, I won't talk about that, but I will say, being a person of the Christian faith, I will say that he is a liar. Jesus doesn't just take you from something and let's you swim in temptation, as Donnie has CLEARLY voiced he

goes through. When you are freed of a pain that is hitting you, whatever it may be to you, Jesus completely removes it...as much as you want it removed.

Conclusion; Donnie is still a homosexual that hates his life, mad at other gays who are doing well (that are out), and needs to feel better about himself by getting a group of people who feel the same way around him to keep love from entering. Sit the hell down and shut the hell up!

New Editions to ASP Blog

2010-01-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

This year is starting as a growing year, and we are proud to introduce our new blogger 'Sour Candy'. She gives you in your face mojo that will have you fanning yourself. Enjoy upcoming blogs from our new Miss Sour Candy.

The best of both worlds. Honesty and lies. Sympathetic and uncaring. "If you think I am one thing then I am the opposite too."

Change is Internal

2009-12-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

I had a Facebook buddy of mine make a comment about the lack of homosexuality in the movies. When he made a comment about us being the "masses" when it came to Will and Grace, my mind went to work. We may have been the masses in television but we are a minority to the world. And on top of that, Will and Grace exploited the white gay community for comedy and the world is more accepting to the feminine and non-aggressive humor that it brings. We, as the BLACK gay community, are fighting wind with water. Two opposing forces that, even thought can make a damaging change, won't ever overpower each other.

If we as the black gay community want to create a change in the media and the world, we first need to make a change within ourselves. It's like the saying, 'You can't clean someone else's house if your house ain't clean.' That goes for change as well. I believe that with sites like Black Gay Chat and Adam thriving as it is, we will never get anywhere outside of the bubble we are stuck in. The world is being shown the negative connotations that we as a whole are nursing on and then wondering why we can't get beyond two seasons of Noah's Arc. Or why we can't find P.U.N.K.S. anywhere to buy. Or why we don't have anyone in the entertainment business thats out, black and proud.

I heard on a television show that, the wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing. DL Chronicles, as deathly entertaining as it was, hurt the community. The book 'On The Down Low', hurt the community. We showed the world that not only can we not be trusted, but we can't be trusted to women, we can't be trusted to our family and we can't be trusted to ourselves. Even though these creators were not aiming for that, this is what the world extracted from it. They see sex, HIV, sex and no commitment. Look at how Miami Sizzle carries itself, look at how ATL Pride presents itself to you or even NYC Black Gay Pride. Meat market, sex fest and one night stands. And you wonder why the federal government won't give you the right to marry.

The white gay community actually shows the side that needs to be shown. Acceptance, love and happiness. Compare an AD for SF Gay Pride to that of Miami Sizzle. Catch my point? This is why the 'masses' for Will and Grace actually worked and the showed lasted a full eight seasons but consequently is the reason why Noah's Arc lasted two seasons and why the movie was only in 'selected' theatres. The world doesn't want to see gay black men cause their view of us has been tainted.

If we want to make the change in this world, we need to start loving ourselves, start being kinder to others, and stop thinking our shit don't stink when we are behind a computer trying to get the next lay. Its wonderful to look good, have a great body and feel great but when that's all you show to the community and the world, that's all you will be in their eyes. My late friend, Katrina, said that if a site has to ask you your HIV status and your position, it's a sex site, whether you use it for that or not. And no truer words have ever been spoken. Let's make the change today and get a life. A life outside BGC, outside Adam and Men for Now, outside of the happening gay clubs in our city. Let's actually show the world that we are about much more than sex, muscular bodies, snobbing attitudes, cliques in the club, and poor as dirt folks. Stand up and make a stand in the world, but make sure it starts in your living room.

Happy New Year~

Jonny B. Mitchell

The L Word

2009-12-23T09:53:00.001-08:00

I love you.
I stand thinking of how many times can I just be in the dark.
Your smile keeps me warm, and your touch keeps me safe.
My thoughts wrap around your beautiful distress of mathematics
Equations and theorems G-d used to form the answer to my emptiness.
How can I make words of why my love extends past the stars?
How can I form the sentences to which you demand the story?
It just happened, the moment of time I laid eyes on you.

Love, I you.
But I stand asking where now? What now? How now?
Its morning and my tear stained cheeks have no feeling.
The dark seems to be lingering around.
Tell me, do you want me to keep praying for something?
Shall my faith keep my joy on what may the future bring,
Or what the future may bring?
My words forget formation and my periods disappear

You, I love.
The seconds, the minutes, the hours my heart beats
The days, the weeks, the months my heart cries
Why does my heart cry?
Feelings that I cannot hide
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me.
If you won't leave me, then don't tease me.
You're the one I choose. Above all else.

Please believe me when I say,
I love you.

Unisex the Town ---> Made 4 U

2009-12-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

After a critique and a vote, readers think that the title should of Unisex the Town actually be more inspiring. So, to go with the theme of the series (Six Feet Under- death, Sex and the City- gender NYC, etc) I have reached a FINAL verdict of the name change to Made 4 U. The first publication with this name is a screenplay done for class, which takes place in the second season of the miniseries. Enjoy and remember, it's only a screenplay, not the actual plot line.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/24289947/Made-4-U-The-Play

Break Up...easier said than done.

2009-12-14T11:56:00.000-08:00

I can't help but blog about a recent accident that happened over the holiday. I ended my longest relationship with a man who probably loved me, but his problem was that he wasn't showing it in the manner that computed with my mind. It was just like a soap opera or something that would happen on Desperate Housewives. We had been mad at each other since the Hanukkah started and after a lot of thinking and letting my feelings do the thinking, he came in and hugged me and I said the line of death, 'I don't want to be with you anymore.'

I can't say that it was the right thing to do, but I sit here now wondering if it was. If so, why do I feel guilty? Why does it feel like a pain in my chest? Is it truly, let go and see if it comes back? Or you fucked up something potentially good for you and now you must suffer? The things about break ups is that it is easier said than done. What happens after? Pain and sorrow.....

This is what it feels like to be on the other side....

A Master Key to a Great Marriage

2009-12-01T12:08:00.000-08:00

Written by: Mirish Kiszner

We live in a world where everyone is looking for the secret key – the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good. Can there be one master key to open any door? What would that key be and how do we get hold of it?

There was once a wealthy man who lived simply and frugally. In his old age, however, he confided in a young friend that he wanted to live his last few years in style and comfort. Since he was old-fashioned, and had no children, he asked his good friend to undertake the project of hiring home designers and skilled architects to build him a state-of-the-art mansion.

The building of the structure soon began. Foundations were laid, brick by brick, story by story, the work was progressing well. And then our young man began to look for ways to cut corners. Having lived in a simple home all his life, what would the old fellow know about fine craftsmanship and superior quality? Besides, wouldn't it be a waste of money to build himself a house for just a few years? And so, the job was completed with cheap workmanship and second-hand material disguised under layers of sparkle and glitter. Few could tell the difference.

At the housewarming party, the elderly man stood up to publicly thank his young friend for all the effort he'd invested in the building of this project. And then, surprisingly, he handed the young man the key to the house. "Oh, I'm an old man," he explained. "What use have I for this mansion? It was for you, my good friend, that I'd intended the house to be built."

In today's world, where the operating principal is WIIFM (What's in it for me?), it helps to remember that whatever we do, we do for ourselves.

Although we all need to both give and take, a person with a giving attitude places a higher priority on giving then on taking.

A giving attitude means caring sincerely about the needs and wants of your spouse. All of us have needs and when we don't receive them, resentment can eat away at us. That is why it's important to maintain a balance of giving and taking between husband and wife. Yet, by placing the spotlight on myself, on receiving as much as I can, on ascertaining that my expectations are fulfilled, my demands seen to, we lose sight of the quality of the home we are trying to build, and love departs.

The act of giving is a G‑dly attribute. G‑d's giving is pure for He lacks nothing and thus takes nothing in return. We, too, who were created in the image of G‑d, contain the sublime power of giving, enabling us to spread happiness and to give of ourselves. Every person needs to have something on which to lavish his love and affection. No one's joy is complete unless he can share it with others.

In marriage, we have many opportunities to be giving and to fill our homes with loving-kindness. Handing something to your spouse is an act of giving. Greeting him or her in a friendly manner is a kindness, forgiving your spouse for something is making giving triumph.

Though it may appear that love engenders a giving attitude (we see that one who loves another will enjoy showering him with gifts and favors), actually, giving is what brings about love. A person comes to love the one to whom he gives. As a matter of fact, the root word of ahava is related to hav, which means to give. And in the timeless words of the Talmud, "If you want to keep the love of your friends make it your concern to seek his welfare."

What a person gives to another is never lost. By giving of ourselves, we extend a part of ourselves. This is the secret that unites, the glue that bonds, the embers that kindle true love. And this love, in turn, will make us want to go on giving; not only will it fill us with the pleasure and happiness that comes from giving, it will maintain and intensify this love. When there is love and peace between husband and wife, the shechina, the divine presence, resides in their home. There is no vessel that holds blessings except peace.

Giving, then, is the master key that opens the doors to happiness and contentment. It is the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good.

Happy Holidays

2009-12-01T12:01:00.000-08:00

As we roll around to the end of year 2009 and slowly but swiftly approach 2010, we enter the one time a year people actually show who they really are. The shopping frenzy that takes over the under paid people's mind, the "shove down your throat" decorations of Christmas, when not everyone celebrates it, the predjustice of only selling an item for ONE holiday in a month that has about 4 holidays in it. The list goes one. This holiday season let us all reflect and remember the time we shared with our loved ones, our families, our friends, and ones who have passed away.

These memories are the ones that will visit us in our time of despair, in our time of need and in our time of loneliness. We are fundamentally never alone even when we are by ourselves. As humans we have the capability to recall certain memories and its this power that can both heal and destroy us. I challenge you this holiday season; whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Boxing Day, to live in the present, smile on the beautiful good memories, and cast away the negative one. It's a new day, and if the Mayans are correct, we have two more years to live. (laugh out loud) But honestly, why waste this time in sorrow, pain and negativity?

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Jonny B. Mitchell

Jill Scott - He Loves Me Live - 2001

2009-10-31T15:20:00.001-07:00

Facebook's a Nazi

2009-10-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

So I logged onto Facebook for the umpteenth time since starting a page on it in 2005, when Facebook was only accepting people who were college students, and I get redirected to a page saying my account has been disabled. Reasons? Well, ~~*snickers*~~ they said that my profile picture (a jewish gay pride flag held by a member of my synagogue) was misrepresenting the Jewish Community and it violated their terms.

Huh?

I'm sorry, so MY picture that I took from MY synagogue (that not only ordains female rabbis but also opening gay rabbis) is MISrepresenting the jewish community? So, are all the "I hate Jesus" Facebook groups going to be taken down since they disturb Christians? Nope. History has proven that Nazi's only care about one thing...ridding the world of the infestation of gays and jews. It's very disturbing that they found that as a legitimate reason to disable my page, but not one profile was disabled when people had Obama as their profile pic for months (I LOVE OBAMA BTW). That was clear violation that "you are not to upload false information without persmission." None of these people were Obama and none of these people claimed to be him. Or the people who have Grey Goose as their profile picture. "You will not develop or operate a third party application containing, or advertise or otherwise market alcohol-related or other mature content without appropriate age-based restrictions."

So again, how was my JEWISH GAY PRIDE picture a violation? If Facebook can't explain this, which I know they won't, it will be time to go with the big dogs. United States Legislation department, cuz baby, I want my notes from 2005 back.

Excerpt from Unisex The Town Epi 5

2009-09-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

"What do you remember about that night?" my therapist asked in a slow but soft voice. I tensed up trying to block the memories from flooding back.

"Pain," I finally got out, "Excruciating pain."

"Tell me about it, Kenny."

I shook my head slightly and inhaled deep. The vision came back vigorously like it had happened the other day, when in fact it was only just twelve months ago. I started spewing out details like it was vomit that my body couldn’t hold anymore. How I came home that night, William was on the couch in the dark and how a feeling of terror shot threw me when I turned on the lights. He sat there, two empty 40 ounce bottles of vodka sat on the coffee table, with a knife in his left hand.

"William, what are-?"

"Who is Clark?"

My mind swam suddenly. He was obviously drunk, but that name stung me like an angry hornet.

"Who?" I stalled but he sensed it and shot up, staggering a bit.

"Don’t fucking play games with me, Kenny! Who...is...Clark?"

I turned and rushed toward the front door, but as I opened it, William had thrown his body on it to slam it closed. Now, he was inches away from me and I was looking at his empty hands. My breathing felt heavy and I wanted to tell him the truth, but instead I chose another avenue.

"A friend." I lied and turned around to walk to the kitchen but as soon as I had done that, I immediately regretted it. It wasn’t his footsteps that I heard, but the removing of the bottle from the coffee table. When my attention snapped in attention to his direction, I felt my nose being crushed by a flying object causing me to fall into the wall behind me. Then, he started kicking me profusely and violently while he slammed my head into the wall during his breaks from kicking me. It had all happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to panic. The brief, deathly brief, moment he took to scream something that was grabbed, I took the bottle that had hit my nose and when he charged at me, I crashed the bloody object into his right temple. I heard the thud of his body but had not seen it since I was starting to panic now. When I tried to get up, his hand grabbed my ankle and all I could think about was how I ended up in this Lifetime Movie situation.

"How did you escape?" my therapist interrupted. That’s when the tears broke free and I clutched my sides, hugging myself.

"After I got up," I told him in such agony, "After he grabbed my ankle, he picked me up and threw me out the window."

Beyoncé - Single Ladies SPOOF (Barack Obama)

2009-09-24T19:20:00.001-07:00

Support Alphacat!

Black People

2009-09-24T18:03:00.001-07:00

I have viewed a lot over the years and the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the lack of decency that most black people have. The media shows black people as either being really really wealthy (Real Housewives of ATL) or really really poor (The Wire) but at least in these venues, these people have some tack to them. In reality, it is a completely different story.

On the Light Rail in Sacramento today, I witnessed (as I have on the BART in Oakland) these guys who couldn't be no older than 17-18, blasting a radio with, yes you guessed it, rap. They knew each and every word and on some occasions, were louder than the radio itself. My first thought?

"Is there a part of the stereotype you don't fit into?"

Then I looked around. A white couple sat two rows behind, clinched and tight in their seats praying for their stop to come quickly. I saw a Mexican couple confused cuz they either didn't understand or they never seen a scene like this before. These black guys were obviously oblivious to their surroundings and I got irritated cuz this isn't the first place I have witnessed this kind of thing.

It seems that majority of the black, er, African American customers that I get make me wonder, is this why society doesn't like us? This majority comes in half groomed, attitude, loud and irate for no reason. If anything about their service is wrong, the entire world ends. And the other percent of African Americans who are decent, seem to find it hard to understand why these people act the way they do. No home training? World fucking them over? All I know is that we can NOT use the excuse of slavery any longer since, if you think about it, slavery should have made blacks MORE family oriented since that's all we had. But yet, we blame the "man" for holding us back. Society hates us.

Well, look at how you act.
If the majority of black people STOP trying to be Snoop Dogg, Mac Dre, TuPac, Lebron James, Allen Iverson and what have you and MAYBE try aiming for Baracks status, Ron Delums's status, Oprah's status, Martin Luther King's status, we may just be a better people. Life isn't all about fucking, smoking and rapping as you walk down the street without headphones. Use that talent for retaining information to get your degree, to manage a restaurant, to open your own legitimate business and to educate the bad asses that are coming up after us.

Then maybe we will have a hope in the sky. Just maybe....

Terrell Carter: Covered By "Shade"

2009-09-10T17:11:00.001-07:00

So, I was told that what I am blogging about is super old news, but hey, I just heard about it and need to comment on it. I was told that Terrell Carter is indeed gay and the only way the world would've found out about it is through his ex who decided to go and post on the web pictures of them together in positions that couples would be in. (No sex pics so get your mind out the gutter.) Now, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

First, if I see Alex Cortez anywhere on the street I will personally push him down the stairs myself. Even though I am an out and proud gay man, I hate dirty, yes dirty, queens who feel the need to engage revenge on their ex boyfriends closeted status by outing them. I mean, are you jealous that he found someone ALOT more attractive than you? Alot more emotionally stable than you? Society and the down low society already hates the gay (out) community enough and by showing how immature and idiotic you can be really fuels people who SUPPORT prop 8. Especially if said exboyfriend is a celebrity. Why do you think gay stars stay within their work?

Secondly, I will always be a fan of Terrell not because he is one of me, but because he had real talent and real ambitions unlike the ball gays and the street queens who's goal get no farther than the next "major" ball or next Black Gay Pride. I am just sorry that his "Out"ing wasnt as he wanted it and that more things will come his way in the future. Bigger and better.

When all else fails, he will at least have one fan here in California.

Sacramento Not the King It Seems

2009-08-13T18:49:00.001-07:00

As much as I love and adore the Mayor of Sacramento, I truly hate the city he has power over. I moved to Sacramento because it reminded me of home back on the east coast, but when I got here, was quickly disappointed in alot of things I saw. People in the Bay ridiculed me because I was moving to Oak Park and told me that I would need to buy a gun or keep mase on me at all times. I scoffed at them and moved anyways. When I got here, I honestly sat and wondered what all the hype was about. Unless it happened in the further most parts of Oak Park, the amount of danger I saw was equal to that of walking in Downtown Berkeley during the day. I lived in East Oakland was expecting ALOT more from what people were telling me about.

My first disappointment comes from the lack of public transportation in the city's capitol. Yes, it may not be as frequent as the Bay Area but living in two capital's in my life, this is saddening. Buses in Richmond, VA stop running at or around midnight and in Baltimore they sometimes run over night. Here? Bus stops running at or around 9 ot 10pm unless your downtown and...whew....then your waiting once an hour till like....11.

Downtown? My next rant. I recently put on Twitter, in which the Mayor assured me they were fixing, that downtown smelled like a big urine infested alley. I noticed this while I was walking from the Central library to the Light Rail station to go home. There I noticed, forgive the remarks, a bunch of black people blasting radios without headphones, being hella loud for NO apparent reason other than to be noticed, cursing hella loud (VA Beach has a no cursing law in public) again, for not apparent reason, and watching people afraid to walk by. And I thought OAK PARK WAS THE BAD AREA??

The Light Rail is my third disappointment. If you go anywhere in the country (or at least the places Ive lived) any public transportation train system allows you to pay by cash or credit card. Nope, not the Light Rail. Cash ONLY. It's like, wtf, haven't they heard that we live in 2009 now? What baffles me is that the LR goes all the way to Folsom, but not to Sacramento International Airport. BART goes to two major airports, directly to SFO and indirectly to OAK. MTA goes to JFK, TRI-RAIL goes to all three airports indirectly, MIA, FTL, PBIA, you get the picture. Why doesn't the LR go to the only major airport anywhere in the area?

I should have heeded my friend's warning when they said NOT to move here and if I do, to buy a car first. Well, sue me for not listening. But I will say that Sacramento does have some good sides, but sadly, the bad in my eyes out weighs that. So, the Kings may be a well known NBA team, but the city it self has not royal standing to me.

Jonestown Massacre: A 'Reason' to Die

2009-08-05T14:39:00.001-07:00

Jonestown Massacre: A 'Reason' to Die

Almost three decades ago an unusual series of events led to the deaths of more than 900 people in the middle of a South American jungle. Though dubbed a "massacre," what transpired at Jonestown on November 18, 1978, was to some extent done willingly, making the mass suicide all the more disturbing.

Read more at the above link....

AND YOU WONDER WHY I STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH?

Recipe 4 A Loving Partnership

2009-07-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jonah for these words of encouragement

I am no expert, and I can’t tell you two what works for a loving marriage, as I’ve never been married. But I can tell you what I’ve learned about sharing a life with someone over ten years. A kind of love that isn’t addictive or ephemeral, but that is sustaining and palpable.

Here’s a very brief explanation of how you can arrive at this kind of love:

Learning to shut off the part of yourself that always wants to win, to conquer, to prove, to have the final word, to feel dominant…especially when emotions are involved.
Learning to laugh instead of cry, but continuing to cry when you feel strong enough. Allowing all forms of art to move you, stories to touch you, humanity to overwhelm you, and balancing the serious with the silly.
To find the absurdity in tense or desperate situations, rather than to allow anger to overcome you.
Attempting to articulate your thoughts in a way that shows you’re taking care of yourself without neglecting your partner. For me, learning how to take care of myself is maybe the most important ingredient in the whole equation. Each person needs to know their own self and depend upon that self first in order to fully support the other.
Learning to let your fears of the future float away. It’s easy to let responsibilities overwhelm you and make you feel inadequate. It’s easy to want to be a carefree child, without anxieties. Except for me, I was a worried child, filled with self-consciousness. After reading a book called Stumbling on Happiness, I thought more about how we can never know our future selves. We think we do. We believe we know who we are today, and thus, who we will become tomorrow. And some of us don’t change all that much…but we never stay the same, either. Next year is invisible to us, regardless of how much we plan and save and strategize and minimize the risks involved. We can help ourselves get closer to “safe,” but there are larger forces which will alter our paths. These might be economic, might be social, might be spiritual, might be creative, might be familial, might be the realization of our own multiple selves. Whichever forces are involved, we have to accept that our path is yet to be determined.
That might sound too New-Age or Zen for some, but I have found it to be true, without any actual study of Zen philosophy and without much New-Age self-help. I did recently read an interview in Tricycle where Spalding Grey interviewed the Dalai Lama (I just typed "Llama" and then googled it to make sure the holy man didn’t spell his name like the calm animal, though perhaps he should). Read this interview for entertainment as well as enlightenment.

If you follow most of these guidelines, you will last. I promise nothing more and nothing less.

Hell Mary

2009-06-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

Four guys have been given gifts to become warriors. Each warrior spirit has a special ability synchronized with the elements of the earth. Marcus, the oldest, was given the blessing of Air. Jonathan, his brother, was given the blessing of Fire. Thomas, the family friend, was given the blessing of Water. And Samuel, Marc’s on again off again lover, has the blessing of Earth. Their mission is to defend the Seven Heavens during the battle of Armageddon, but until then, they will fight together to protect the people of Earth as;
The Olympian Spirits: Brotherly Bond

The clouds parted around the full moon on Halloween eve, shining on the town of Chester, Mississippi. Winds blew gently through the woods and leaves danced in the wind as three teenage kids ran toward the graveyard with kerosene lanterns at their sides. The air filled with their giggles and commands to hurry. One boy carried a mirror in his free hand, another had a hammer and a box of nails, and the only girl carried a spirit board. They ran through the trees till their trail led them to a cast iron gate, separating the graveyard from the Forrest. Each kid was unique to their group. Jeremy, the mirror carrying boy, was fifteen, wore glasses and was fairly dark in complexion. He had a fade and always wore a Miami Heat baseball cap. Louis, was the oldest, almost seventeen. He was Hispanic and had curly black hair. Angela was a brunette and had a pale complexion. She always kept her hair in a pony tail.

Jeremy pushed the gate open with the force of his back and the three of them snuck in slowly. Louise pointed to his left and the rest followed.

“We could get into a lot of trouble for this.” Jeremy whispered.

“Said the kid who opened the gate.” Louise mocked. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, what if there is a killer on the loose and he just so happened to be strolling through the graveyard.”

“Oh, don’t be such a worry wart, Jeremy.” Angela joked, “Besides, if anyone tries to mess with us, we can put a spell on them.”

“I’m not a witch.” Jeremy cried.

“What are you?” Angela asked.

“I’m Baptist.”

Louise and Angela started laughing as Jeremy shushed them.

“It’s not funny you guys,” he cried. Louise stopped.

“We’re here. The grave of Mary Worth.”

They looked at the tombstone in front of them and gazed in a mix of fear and excitement. Angela dropped the spirit board on top of the grave and signaled for Louise to hang the mirror up on the tree behind it. Jeremy sighed and reluctantly handed over the mirror.

“You wouldn’t have come this far if you weren’t interested.” Louise remarked.

The clouds swarmed around the moon as the winds started to pick up slowly. Louise placed his lantern beside the tombstone and proceeded to nail the mirror onto the tree. Angela sat down in front of the board with her legs crossed. Jeremy sighed and slowly sat, facing the mirror. Louise joined the duo and laughed.

“If this ain’t the best Halloween, I don’t know what is.” He yelled.

“It ain’t Halloween till tomorrow, Louise.”Angela corrected, “Three hours from now.”

“Then why are we here again?” Louise questioned.

“Because it’s said that on the eve of All Hallows Eve, Mary Worth, the strongest witch in this part of the Mississippi, can be raised. But only for a day. Halloween.”

“How do we call her?” Jeremy asked.

“I don’t know, I didn’t get that far.”

“Angie, you got us out here in the cold and you didn’t think to finish research?” Jeremy yelled, standing up.

“That’s why I brought the board, stupid. So at least we can ask the spirits how to find her.”

“Oh.” Jeremy sat down.

“Now, we grab hands.” She ordered. When the triangle was formed, the winds whistled loudly through the night. Angela closed her eyes and lifted her head toward the moon.

“OH GREAT SPIRITS, HEAR ME! HEAR OUR CALL! LEAD US TO MARY WORTH, ONCE AND FOR ALL!” Angela chanted. Jeremy looked at Louise and mouth, ‘Once and for all?’ Louise giggled. The winds picked up heavily and blew over the board as Angela chanted louder. Jeremy looked around in fright and Louise shut his eyes tight. When Angela finished the chant the third time, the winds abruptly stopped. She opened her eyes and lowered her head.

“Oh my god,” she gasped. Jeremy and Louise looked down at the board that had the words, ‘Bloody Mary’ inscribed on it.

“That wasn’t like that before.” Angela commented.

“Who did that?” Jeremy asked, shaking. Louise smirked.

“You scare easily, don’t you?”

Before Jeremy responded, he looked up at the mirror and saw a glimpse of a face. He screamed and jumped back. Frantically, he pointed to the mirror but when his friends looked over, they saw nothing.

“The…there was a, uh, a face…” he cried, hyperventilating. Louise went and patted Jeremy on the back.

“Think we should go?” He asked Angela. She shook her head in disappointment.

“Why not?”

“But, but what about the face? And the inscription?”

“I wrote that to scare you.” Angela confessed, picking up the board and her lantern.

“But the face…”

“There was no face,” Louise stated sternly, “You just don’t handle your fear well. Although it was funny when you screamed.”

The two laughed as Jeremy walked to the mirror pissed, yanked it off the tree and walked away. The two ran after him, still in laughter.

The clock struck fifteen minutes till midnight, and Jeremy sat in the tub thinking about that face he saw. It was real and he knew it. He rested his head on his palm and sighed. Maybe he did scare easily and he was just imagining things. Maybe he was letting his imagination get the best of him.

“Now.”

He looked over at the mirror in question, then in front of him at the door.

“Mom, did you say something?” he called, but got no answer.

“MOM?” He called louder.

No answer.

Abruptly, he heard the clock stick midnight and as the chimes went off, the lights flickered. He heard a hissing sound coming from underneath the door. He quickly grabbed his glasses off the floor and stood up.

“If this is your idea of a joke, its-“

The lights shut off and left him standing naked in the dark. He panicked and called for his mom but got no answer. He heard the voice say ‘now’ again as one light bulb flickered violently. For some reason, he felt pulled to the mirror and compelled to speak.

“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Blood Mary…”

Quickly, he gained control and covered his mouth. The flickering bulb sustained a dim lit now. He stared in horror at the mirror as he heard faint laughter and then the face he saw earlier appeared. He tried to scream but couldn’t do anything but cry. The face was scratched up and bloody. Her hair was dark and stiff. Her laugh appeared as a jackal.

“Now,” she whispered. Jeremy cried in fear and fell against the wall.

“Bloody Mary, I release you.” He reluctantly chanted. He grabbed his head and screamed. Bloody Mary let a shriek of laughter and stuck her heard slowly out of the mirror. Then, her hands and lastly, her body. She stood nude, dripping in blood. Her body was wrinkled and badly scratched and bruised. Her nails were chipped and her teeth were stained with blood. She looked at Jeremy and smiled. Abruptly, he heard his mother banging on the door.

“Jeremy, open the door!” she yelled in panic.

“Mom, no!”

But before he could say anything else, Mary blasted the door off the hinges causing his mom to go flying into the wall. Jeremy tried to get up but his body was frozen in fear. Mary walked toward his aching mom as she screamed in terror. Mary reached down and jammed her two fingers into the woman’s eye socket.

“MOM!”

Mary laughed and flung the body down the steps. She turned and looked at the frightened and naked teenager.

“What do you want?” he asked, still pinned to the floor.

“You know who sealed me into the mirror. Take me to them.”

“What?”

Mary screamed and flew toward Jeremy yelling at her loudest, shattering the windows and all the reflective surface areas in the house.

“The Spirits!”

To be continued......

Love Isn't A Timed Emotion

2009-05-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

How many times have you heard the phrase 'love at first site' or 'falling in love'? How many times have you heard the rebuttal, 'how can you love them, you've known them for such and such weeks'? I have been thinking about this and thought it was time to shed some light on this topic. Love is an emotion, just like anger, stress, happiness and sadness are emotions. Correct me if I am wrong, but I've never heard of someone waiting till 6 months before they got angry with someone or a year before they became happy. Granted, there are people who are slow to anger, there are people who barley get sad, and there are people who stay stressed, at the same time there are people who become rageful at the drop of a dime, sad at every little thing and so on and so forth. So if this is the case, why are there guidelines and time lines on when someone can LOVE another person? Yes, there are people who abuse the verb and there are people who lie on account of this word, but the same can be said for every other emotion under the sun.

Love isn't a timed emotion and it is a beautiful feeling to experience, with and without the drama that comes with it. So even though there are people who have different thoughts, feelings and opinions on LOVE in general (about as much debate are gay marriage in the gay community, too), never tell someone what they are feeling, simply because you are NOT them. If someone was sad and depressed, crying, would you tell them that they aren't sad?

The defense rests, your honor.

California Dreamin

2009-04-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

California isn't without it's problems and drama, but I must admit that out of all the places I have lived this is where I've seen the most considerate, polite and nice people ever. For instance, I saw a lady approach a newsstand and tell the guy behind the stand she owed him for yesterday and gave him a dollar, since the paper was 50 cents. Another time was when the BART train was derailed in the Transbay tube for an hour and there was a guy who made conversation with people who were petrified, easing their minds. The citizens of Oakland protest at the ugly killing of a young boy. The residents of Castro Street toned down their lifestyle for families with children to move in. A woman at the back of the bus gets off to help the bus driver help a disabled woman on the bus when it stopped working.

It's refreshing to see the people actually helping each other and caring about another life other than their own. Happiness doesn't come from other's around you, it comes from you and the ability to ignite it back out to shine. So I don't care what I go through here or what tragedy occurs, or what people think of this place, I LOVE CALIFORNIA and don't plan on leaving no time soon.

Unisex The Town Update

2009-04-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hey fans, supporters and rockstars...lol...

Unisex The Town Episodew 5 will be on hold till the uprooting of A Solobeatz Production from the Bay Area is completed. This, in part, will delay further episodes and publication of the first season till later on in the year. Don't worry my loves, we will resume as soon as the new production studio is completed and ready for launch. Thank you and take care!

Jonny B. Mitchell

Gay Science of Relationships

2009-03-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

So it has appeared to me that most gay men have a completely different view on relationships and love than our counterparts, the straights. Most gay men feel that relationships should entail having sex before committing to each other (the whole, test drive before you buy mentality), while others, very few, hold the traditional values of waiting and getting to know someone first. Granted, men in general are scientifically proven to be more sexual than woman, the thought can't seem to leave my mind, why is it that gay men have a problem withholding from sex before commitment but straight guys seem to be okay with it when women say no? Maybe it's just me, maybe I am only seeing one side of it, but I feel that regardless of what happens between a person, sex should be the last aspect to explore. Now, that gays have a right to marry, why not wait till the relationship part to have sex and during the initial meeting (dates) kick back and enjoy each other?

Another thing gay people have a problem with is the past. We all have a past and if that past shows up with your future love interest, dealing with your own past prior will help deal with someone else's past, especially if the past is defiantly in the past. However, never doubt your instincts, but don't misinterpret instincts going off for insecure thoughts being made. BIG difference. We as a gay community should bring the traditional values back to our love life and I guarantee it won't be any different than the straights but it will be a lot easier. If only this could happen, but as long as Adam4Adam, BGC, Manhunt and Men4Now are still alive and kicking, our community, much like the DOW, will continue to plummet downward. And we wonder why our community is filled with hatred, bigotry, attitudes and self righteousness. Its time to grow up and understand the gay science of relationships is self love and respect.

"If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gon love someone else? Can I get an amen?" ~RuPaul

Amen, Miss Paul, Amen!

Scared of Lonely

2009-03-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me,
I'm scared of lonely.

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely, And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe.
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

There Still Are Good People on Earth

2009-03-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Leap to Track. Rescue Man. Clamber Up. Catch a Train.

Written By: MICHAEL WILSON

Subway heroes, as they are inevitably tagged even before the grease from the tracks is rubbed off, come along every now and then — indeed, as the story of Chad Lindsey suggests, perhaps more often than we know.

Minutes after rescuing a man who had fallen onto the subway tracks at the Penn Station stop on Monday, Mr. Lindsey managed to melt back into the anonymity of the city, escaping the notice of the police, paramedics and subway workers.

“I’m of many minds of being in the spotlight,” he said after a call from this reporter, whose short account of the accident on The New York Times’s City Room blog on Monday prompted one of Mr. Lindsey’s friends to disclose his identity on Tuesday. “But what the hey,” he said.

Mr. Lindsey, 33, is from Harbor Springs, Mich. He moved to New York City three years ago and settled in Woodside, Queens.

Fred R. Conrad/The New York TimesChad Lindsey, 33, near the subway tracks where he lifted an injured man to safety as a train approached on Monday. Then he went on his way.

He can take it from there:
“I was waiting for the C,” he said from his office on West 30th Street, where he works as a proofreader. “I’m an actor — shocker.”

He said almost everyone seems to be an aspiring actor nowadays, but in this case, it is a critical point to the story: Mr. Lindsey currently appears in an Off Broadway show called “Kasper Hauser,” in a role that requires him to repeatedly lift a character who cannot walk.

On Monday, as he waited for the train, about 2:30 p.m., he was thinking ahead to the reading he was heading to. “I’m kind of zoned out, and I saw this guy come too quickly to the edge,” he said. “He stopped and kind of reeled around. I felt bad, because I couldn’t get close enough to grab his coat. He fell, and immediately hit his head on the rail and passed out.”

Mr. Lindsey said he sensed a train was approaching, because the platform was crowded. “I dropped my bag and jumped down there. I tried to wake him up,” he said. “He probably had a massive concussion at that point. I jumped down there and he just wouldn’t wake up, and he was bleeding all over the place.”

He looked back up at the people on the platform. “I yelled, ‘Contact the station agent and call the police!’ which I think is hilarious because I don’t think I ever said ‘station agent’ before in my life. What am I, on ‘24’?”

The man wouldn’t wake up, he said. “He was hunched over on his front. I grabbed him from behind, like under the armpits, and kind of got him over to the platform. It wasn’t very elegant. I just hoisted him up so his belly was on the platform. It’s kind of higher than you think it is.”

He stole a glance toward the dark subway tunnel that was becoming ominously less dark, with the glow on the tracks, familiar to all New Yorkers, signaling an approaching train.

“I couldn’t see the train coming, but I could see the light on the tracks, and I was like, ‘I’ve got to get out of this hole.’ ”

He remembered the subway hero of 2007, Wesley Autrey, who jumped on top of a man who was having a seizure on the tracks and held him down in the shallow trench between the rails as the subway passed over them. “I was like, ‘I am not doing that. We’ve got to get out of here.’ ”

People on the platform joined the effort. “Someone pulled him out, and I just jumped up out of there,” he said. With time to spare: “The train didn’t come for another 10 or 15 seconds or something.”

The man lay bleeding on the platform, and the police arrived. Mr. Lindsey soon got on another train. A large group of riders who had been on the platform entered the subway car with him, smiling and clapping him on the back and saying thank you.

“Then I sort of freaked out, and I was nervous and shaky. These five women opened their purses and gave me Handi-Wipes. I was covered in blood and dirt from the subway tracks.”

The fallen man was taken to St. Vincent’s Hospital Manhattan and was later released.
The police identified him late Tuesday afternoon as Theodore Larson, 60, of the Bronx.
Mr. Lindsey, of course, never learned the man’s name. His story told, he said goodbye, adding, “It was quite a New York day.”

Al Baker and Trymaine Lee contributed reporting.

A version of this article appeared in print on March 18, 2009, on page A20 of the New York edition.

Powerful Words I

2009-03-09T12:28:00.001-07:00

There's a saying that many kids say to help them cope with being made fun of. One that once we become adults, can't seem to understand why it affects us so much.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

As we get older we realize that everything on earth is made of matter, matter is turned into atoms and molecules, these are turned into a solid, liquid, gas or plasma. So what do we think words are? Something so powerful, we can't understand why, when it happens, is it happening to us. Even in joking, words eventually manifest themselves into something solid. Whether you believe it or not, it's a matter of science and mental health.

"The economy is so fucked up, I WONT find a job," "I'm so sick, I'm dying," "I will never find a man, woman, love, etc..."

Words can hurt us worse than sticks and stones, seeing how scars from sticks and stones heal within days, words stay with us for years, and years to follow. It is true that actions speak louder than words, but words are powerful enough on their own. So let's watch our words and speak positive things into our coming future, our endearing present and our unforgotten past.

U Sex and the Town Episode 4

2009-03-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

Episode 4

Browns' All Around

2009-03-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

So I feel compelled to speak about the Chris Brown/ Rihanna situation and give my side of the story of it. As a victim of domestic violence I can relate to Rihanna's feelings not being changed as people would have hoped. Its hard to leave someone that YOU love regardless of how they hurt you, physically or mentally. As much as I hate the sappy Lifetime woman beater movies, they have some relevance to them. Its not till we have taken all we can and get that energy and power bottled up deep to just up and leave. Look at 'Enough' with Jennifer Lopez. A little over the top, but the principal aspect is true.

Its easy for someone who hasn't ever been in that situation, or someone who is stronger than their abuser to spectate and say, "Why be dumb and stay?" or "If he really loved you..." but as I say before, everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson from this painful relationship that Rihanna must learn, and who knows what the Universe has in store for them.

Lastly, we compare Chris Brown to the other Browns' (James and Bobby) but condemn Rihanna for staying. Did we forget that James's first marriage was 16 years, his next one 11, third one 12 years and his last one being 5 years. And Whitney? 1992-2007. And if we want to get spiritual, Juanita Bynum was in her abusive relationship since the early 80s and ended it not till the 90s and her last one was from 2002-2007. So lets get off of Rihanna's case and pray that she gets strength and wisdom from her attack instead of sending her judgment and guilt.

Now run tell that, thanks!

To Krys

2009-03-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

Dated October 2nd

To my dearest sweet Krys,

I love you buddy and I miss you. I feel so horrible because I didn’t call you like I should have. And I knew something was wrong when you stopped signing on yahoo messenger and stopped calling me back. I just figured you went to Miami like you said you were and just didn’t call no one. It wasn’t until 2 nights ago I had this overwhelming feeling to call you. I left a message saying I was worried and then the next day you mother calls me and tells me your dead. You died of kidney failure. You’ve been on dialysis for over a year and I know it must have been hard. I love you and miss you much. I am so sorry for not being there when you needed. Please forgive me.

Your little Buddy,

Jonny

Serenity Prayer

2009-02-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

Theres a prayer intended to give strength to ppl faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from its insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly and afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear u and answer ur prayer. The bad news is that sometimes, the answer is no.

"We ask God to grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. The courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Day 7

2009-02-22T18:11:00.001-08:00

Today is the day and last night was off the fucking chain, excuse the french. If you haven't viewed B-TV # 6 'Birthday Bash' then you are truly missing the experience. It was funny how it all started out crazy and disorganized, but came together at the very very end. My best friend was supposed to be here Friday but complications with her mothers health kept her in Stockton till yesterday. So, she was suppose to be here yesterday morning to cook me a birthday breakfast but that didnt really happen till my actual birthday. I was suppose to get my hair redone at 2 and expected to be out the house at 330, but the fates had it that my hair stylist to come at 12 cuz it took her 2 hours to redo it. I got my last minute party favors and headed out the door to meet others at the BART station in El Cerrito.
We got to the Mint and even thought 15 people RSVP'd, I was glad to just kick it with the 6 that showed up. We took the house down and my only present I asked for was a drink. There was a dark man with 23 year old dreads who sung me 2 songs, one was Prince 'Little Red Corvette' and something else, and bought me a drink. I had another white man sing me a song and also bye me a drink and the place gave me a free drink with a naked man on the side.......of the glass. I sung my two favorite songs in the entire world, 'Get Me Bodied' by Beyonce and 'And I Am Telling You' the Jennifer Holiday version.
We ended the night at dinner and was astonished that Mel's Diner charges 5 dollars for a side of bacon. NEVER AGAIN!!! But all in all, it was a wonderful night. I want to thank all of my friends and loved ones who wished me a happy birthday yesterday and today. I love you all.

B-TV #6

2009-02-22T14:39:00.001-08:00

Day 6

2009-02-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

Mission one I'ma put this on
When he see me in the dress I'ma get me some
Mission two Gotta make that call
Tell him get the bottles poppin' when they play my song
Mission three Got my three best friends
Like we do it all the time we gone do it again
Mission four Got the vintage Rolls Drop a couple hundreds tell him leave it at the door

Mission five Skip to the front of the line
Let me fix my hair up 'fore I go inside
Mission six Gotta check these chicks 'Cause you know they gone block when I take these flicks Mission seven Gotta make my rounds
Given eyes to the guys now I think I found him
Mission eight Now we conversate And we can skip small talk let's get right to the chase

I ain't worried doing me tonight A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
While ya'll standin' on the wall I'm the one tonight Getting bodied
Want my body You want my body You should see my body
I gotta know enough to know if you can get me bodied I'm kinda tight,
I'm feeling right enough to see somebody
I wanna let it off tonight
Wanna dance, wanna party wanna be myself tonight

Baby all I want is to let it go Ain't no worries, no, We can dance all night
Get me bodied That means come closer to me
While we grind to the beat And your body's touching my body
All I need is to let it be Ain't no worry, no Boy dance with me
Feel my body Don't stop just come closer to me
While we grind to the beat With your body touching my body

Day 5

2009-02-20T12:29:00.000-08:00

As we draw near to the day of days, I have so many ideas in my head for my party and the upcoming year of my life. I am preparing for a big change and a huge move that's about to happen and these next few days will help me get ready.

I want to thank all my friends and supporters who have helped me get this far. You are greatly loved and appreciated. When we get big and loud, we will change the blog world and slowly everything else. Now, I sound like Obamas campaign. YAY!!! YES WE CAN!!!

"Give me love or give me nothing"

Day 4

2009-02-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

Aquarius/Pisces are often multitalented, both in scientific and creative endeavors. They are unique and rebellious people who are driven to change the world. However, they can be shy, quiet and sometimes elusive, refusing to show their true selves. They are modest and thoughtful, sometimes displaying remarkable musical talent. Their freedom is important to them, and they are often driven to help others become free, as well.

The great strength of the Aquarius/Pisces is in their visionary nature and their compassion. They are the people who take the world to the next level; they make others see things in a new light. Their ability to break the rules and help others reach their fullest potential makes them one of the most understanding characters of the zodiac.

"Please dont stop the music"

Day 3

2009-02-18T11:55:00.000-08:00

Half way mark to the finish line. 22 years will be over and baby new year of 23 will be arriving. There’s just something about rainy days that have my mind in overdrive and the small things that would normally wash away on any given Sunday, meld into my spirit and cause me to over do everything. Over analyze, over-think, overcompensate, overreact, etc. But now the sun is back and out and I am back on track.

One of my best friend is coming out to see me for my birthday and I couldn’t be happier if it is only just me and her. Nevertheless, its human nature to want to be the center of attention amongst folks who you know on a day that especially made for you. Remember kiddies, the party starts at 5 and I’m taking my drunk ass home at 9. So don’t try to be cute, and be fashionably late to make an entrance cuz you will get left. That being said, I need to go and find an outfit and get my thoughts together for my big birthday speech.

Thanks all.

“I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does”

Reading of Chris Brown

2009-02-18T11:06:00.000-08:00

written by Son of Baldwin

What's frightening to me is that there are people who believe that Rihanna could have done something to "provoke" Chris or that she somehow might have done something to "deserve" the beating he gave her.

I don't care if he caught her fucking his brother in his mother's bed, no one has the right to put their hands on another person. Even if he was fending off an attack from Rihanna, the proper response isn't to beat her into unconsciousness. The decent response is to get as far away from her as possible and call the authorities. That's what anyone who would dare call themselves a man would do. All of the individuals saying that they would have done the same thing in Chris' situation, I simply cannot regard as real men. Half-men, maybe. Monsters definitely. But not real men.

What Chris did was the unmanliness thing imaginable: beat the shit out of a woman that is clearly no match for him, rendered her unconscious, and then left the scene of the crime. And his response, like every other guilty person throughout history, is to "apologize" (and it wasn't even an apology; he said he was sorry for "what happened" as though it was someone other than him that beat Rihanna down) and then suddenly claim God and religion and call on the name of Jesus to garner public sympathy.

It's so tired, but it's going to work. After all, Chris is a handsome young man and nobody garners public sympathy and instant forgiveness like a good looking young man--no matter what act he commits. And shit, all you have to say is "Jesus" and every Christian in the sound of your voice is going to protect and defend you. Because being a Christian doesn't require much thought, it just requires that you follow along like a lamb.

-Son of Baldwin

Day 2

2009-02-17T11:38:00.000-08:00

I am no superman. I can not do this all on my own. Lord give me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cant and the wisdom to know the difference.

"Rain rain go away..."

Day 1

2009-02-16T13:38:00.001-08:00

The last Monday of my 22nd year from birth is a slow and rainy one. I am sifting out who I want in my life still and also making sense of the sitcom my life has become. Granted the 22nd will just be another day in the Universe, it will mark a day I will enter another year, LESS stressed and less dramatically filled.

"Its my week and I will cry if I want to."

Countdown Begins

2009-02-15T22:23:00.001-08:00

As we draw nigh to the 23rd celebration of my life, feelings and excitement swell up in the temples of my head. You would think it would be in my heart, but no such luck. My head is swimming with ideas for themes and fears of a poor turn out. I have made peace with my best friends not being able to attend, seeing how distance is a major factor, but we will celebrate times two when we can. Nevertheless, its exciting to be this far in my life when ppl said I wouldn't make it to see this age, and given the fact that I have health issues, it really brings tears to my eyes. I thank my guardian deity for protection and guidance and for the real friends that I do have. I thank my deity for allowing me to be in the area in which I love with all my heart and have a house in my name and no one elses.

Thus the countdown begins as we prepare to launch on a very special day. T-minus 7 days....

Friends, Dating and Inbetween

2009-02-12T11:05:00.000-08:00

Most people who are stuck on one definition of relationships are in for nothing more than heartbreak, heartache and confusion. There are steps to getting to know someone, whether that ends up romantically or just platonically, so don't kid yourself to thinking there isn't. When you first meet someone, you are at a cross road for a decision. Do I want to be with this person or do I just want to be friends, or even do I want to deal with them? Whatever the answer is, the underlying reason is the same, 'let me get to know this person better'. When that happens, you understand what you want from person A and proceed to go for it. The confusion and whatnot happens when person B wants something different. Before I continue let me clear something up.

Once you answer the basic question of wanting to deal with this person, if you are trying to be romantically involved with person B then you must understand that there are steps:

First, for any relationship to flourish as well as you dream of, it is imperative that you start out as friends. This being said, its almost impossible to get hurt if the other says he isn't feeling you on that level and would want to remain......friends.
Secondly, the term 'talking to' is the same as 'dating'. Here you are still single and still free to mingle and talk to, or date, whomever. Respect needs to arise and inform said people of each other so if a relationship does happen between one of you, there is no, 'Well why didn't you tell me?' drama.
Then, once you see that you really like this person and you guys mesh well, you enter the stage of a relationship. Here, it is illegal in the relationship handbook to continue your ties with others. Or in layman's term, cheating, since being in a relationship is a commitment, not a game.

So before any of this takes place, understanding and openness is the key to a lasting friendship if nothing else. This is essential if person A is talking to a person B and C and it just so happens that person B and C are close friends. Now, in the technical sense of this situation its perfectly fair and nothing wrong with dating people who know each other. I mean, come on, we live in the same area, we are bond to know the same people. The issue, however, arises, when one person doesn't like that you're talking to their friend. Most people would wonder if there was any past feelings between the friends B and C and ask why is it an issue. Most people would say, person A is single so get over it. However, in the gay sense of things, people claim other people and EXPECT everyone else to abide by these rules and if they are not kept, then its marked messy and you are marked a bad person.

The truth of the matter is that life is 10% of things that happen to us and 90% of how we respond to it. If you end a friendship over someone you are interested in who chose your friend, that makes you the weak one and not them. Build a bridge, accept their happiness and move on. I mean, if it was some other Joe Blow off the street, would it really matter or would you still have a friend?

Exactly.

Saint Valentine's Day

2009-02-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

For years I despised this holiday. I hated the very thought of this day. I dreaded February 13th ending, making it the 14th. I had these emotions for years and years dating back to high school. Recently, I learned to hate it over my last few ex's who never took part in the holiday with ME.

But now 2009, its a new day.

Friday, February 6th, I began to tap into an energy and power in me that I had forgot was there. During the "hurricane season" that I experienced last year, I lost touch of my inner spirit and the power it posses. But on this Friday, I not only attracted happiness, I attracted money, love, sharing and a rainbow. Yes, a rainbow. There was nothing like it ever. Typically when we see a rainbow, we either see a half of it, or bits an pieces of it. But this one was over the Fremont Bart Station, stretching from one mountain to the next. No half, no pieces...just full. That night, I watching a video on YouTube that had me crying balls of tears like I had just seen a sad movie. This man was disabled and couldn't get around but he was giving a testimony about how he hung in there and never gave up. What got my attention was the passage from the bible he used was the exact one I post on here for inspiration. When he was done, I was a mess. So I felt even more powerful and decided to put my order back on the line for a man. Shit, if I can attract a rainbow, I damn sure better be able to get a man.

So I gave the list that I wanted my man to have. Muscular body, i added at the very least he could be athletically build, caring, loving, humor, funny, affectionate....you know the works. But one thing I failed to mention was that he be ready and willing to be in a relationship. SOOOO, Saturday as I am cleaning, I get a call from this guy who I completely forgot about from when I first moved to Cali, wanted to take me out. On a new high off life, I agreed and when I hung up it smacked me in the face that EVERYTHING I put out last night, this man was. He was muscular, not the big body building types, the perfect muscle type, funny, caring, kind...blah blah.

Now when I get to the City (San Fran), I get off the BART and there is some guy walking by me and he smiled and waved. Normally, I would have just smiled and walked away but something in me broke. I smiled, walked away but stopped dead in my tracks and was like, what if the Universe sent him? So I did an about face and approached this out of the blue guy. I asked him for directions (knowing already where I was going) and he had the most charming smile I ever seen. Well, I didn't get his name cuz I thought if it was meant, that Id see him again. At least I approached him and proved to the Universe that I didn't neglect him. Now, the date was superb. He was a perfect gentlemen, opened doors for me, ordered for me, placed his hand on the small of my back, the works. We talked for hours and before I knew it, it was one o clock in the morning and I had got to the city at six.

Once I left the date, it was all like a dream. I loved the feeling I felt, the high I was one and was really asking myself, was this joy real? Not since Dax, have I went on a date with a guy that I had no expectations for and no aim to what was going to happen next. At least I was that powerful to attract what I wanted. May not be what I need, but it damn sure is what I want. So this Valentine's Day I will be in such a joyous mood and even IF I am alone on this day, I will def. not be lonely.

That much I can say to be true!

B-TV #5 "Valentine's Day Affirmation"

2009-02-08T12:17:00.001-08:00

Broadcast Television brings you the fifth installment of the series. Join Jonny B. Mitchell as he brings you the new 'Poetry Corner' and gives you affirmations to enjoy the upcoming Valentine's Day...

Do Not Cry

2009-02-06T23:13:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to Krys, Glennie and Katrina; all whom were close and have passed on.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glimpse of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumns rain.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die

U Sex and the Town Episode 3

2009-02-03T22:38:00.000-08:00

Episode 3

Birthday Bash

2009-01-27T23:53:00.000-08:00

Today was my dear friend Maurice Jamal's birthday and we all met at the Elephant Bar to mix and mingle. The atmosphere was immediately a warm and funny one and the night ran for three hours long and we didn't even realize it. We talked about Obama and the craze America is going through and how the bailout should consist of Obama products. Selling that on Ebay will get us out the hole. How many people do you know owns an Obama T-shirt, picture, key chain, boxers, panties, bras?

We talked about the olden days about Battle of the Network Stars (before my time, of course), UHF televisions, the theme parties and my mother being the head of the Sandwich Ministry in her church. All in all, I smiled so hard and laughed so hard that my muscles started aching. I haven't laughed and enjoyed company like that for so long. Thank You Maurice and Happy 25th Birthday...again. LOL.

Excerpt from 'U, Sex and the Town' Episode 3

2009-01-27T10:43:00.000-08:00

I never could understand why men do the things that they do or say the things they say. Even when William left me the first time, the excuses and reasons men give to avoid you have never ceased to amaze me. It was my last day off of work from the emergency leave I had stored up from over the years and I was to return on Friday. I didn’t mind the time off and enjoyed the amount of time I had to recollect on my life and the people in it. Leon was one of the people I thought about. He was average height for his age, standing at five nine for a twenty seven year old. He was fairly skinny, but was more muscle than fat and he kept his perfect brown skin smooth by shaving ever other day. The thing I loved most about him was that he always kept his hair cut up to date. Never a missed appointment with his barber. For months at a time, we hung out and made love with each other. We spent majority of the weeks together and our favorite spots to cuddle were Berkeley Hills and Berkeley Marina. It wasn’t until a few months into our dating game when he informed me that there was someone else he was talking to, but didn’t want me to leave because he didn’t know who to choose between. Most people in their right minds would have said fuck him and left, but apparently I wasn’t in my right mind. I stayed with him, fucked him day or night, and ended up loving him after that only to get a call Monday night saying he was choosing the other guy. I was never going to call or deal with him again, until I got the news that forced me to make this date with Leon and see him one last time. We met early afternoon at a Thai place called Cho Thai Cuisine over by Lake Merritt. It was small and quaint but very secretive.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I would have seen you again, Kenny.” Leon started, after he hugged me and sat down. I smiled nervously and cleared my throat.

“What did you expect me to do? Stay around?” I asked.

“I mean, you never know what may happen with me and Rick.”

“Oh, his name is Rick.”

“Yes, he is wonderful.”

And mark the first slap in my face for the day and cue the waiter appearing out of nowhere.

“Would you two gentlemen like anything to drink?” he asked in his Middle Eastern American mixed accent. I looked at Leon, who was searching for a drink section on his menu.

“It’s on the inside flap,” I informed as he opened the menu up and lit up with joy.

“Yes, I would like a glass of your Petit Verdot.” Leon ordered.

“And I just want a glass of Merlot.” I added. The waiter nodded and walked away.

“You come here a lot I take it.” Leon continued as I searched the menu for what I wanted.

“They have a killer peanut butter dip that I could have a whole order of.” I laughed and quickly raced in my mind how I was going to break the news to him before the waiter came back. I was afraid that I would get the same coldness I did from Chris last night, but figured I wouldn’t know unless I just said it.

“Leon, to be truthful with you, after the message you left me, I wasn’t going to see you ever again.” I slowly started. The waiter returned with our drinks and informed us that he would return after he helped the other couple who just walked in.

“Well, then why are you here? You still love me after this?” Leon sipped his red wine as I inhaled deeply.

“Of course, that will never change, but I just found out that I am sick.” I got out, looking dead in his face with fear. He raised his left eye brow.

“Sick? What do you mean?”

I took a big gulp of my wine now.

“I am HIV positive.” I whispered, “And because we’ve been sexual, I thought you
should know.”

“How long have you been positive?” he asked sternly, slowly placing his glass down.

“I’ve known for a couple of days now, but I’ve been positive for over a year.”

“A YEAR?” he blurted out.

“Did you not hear me say that I’ve known for a couple of days?” I asked, still at a whisper, "I got tested before I moved here, but left in a rush before the results came back."

“You could have affected me? And now you tell me? Is this some sort of a joke?”

“First of all, we always used protection.” I defended.

“And?”

“And, as soon as I found out, I came and told you.”

Leon shot up from the table, almost knocking over his wine.

“Now I have to take time out of my life to go get tested, and Rick too, because you weren’t smart enough to keep up with your records and so help me, if I am sick, I will ruin you.” He muttered in my ear. I sighed out of frustration and stood up to meet him.

“I suppose that this will be the last time I ever see or hear from you again.” I asserted quietly and forcefully, “But I would’ve thought you would have been more understanding to my feelings.”

“Fuck you.” He hissed and walked out of the restaurant. I slowly sat down at the table and rested my head on my left palm. The waiter returned all apologetic.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Just keep the Merlot coming,” I informed, swallowing the rest of my wine and reaching for Leon’s glass. Yes, I never could understand why men do the things that they do or say the things they say. And it was conclusive that they were not going to stop amazing me even after Leon had left.

B-TV #4

2009-01-26T19:26:00.001-08:00

Jonny B. Mitchell gives you the heart to heart story of his life and reminds you never to give up.

D'Angelo: What the Hell Happened?

2009-01-25T12:26:00.000-08:00

written by David Peisner

Thanks to that video, D'Angelo was poised for superstardom, and the R&B renaissance he led was about to change the world. Instead, he fell into a spiral of substance abuse and arrests -- and virtually disappeared. Eight years later, his friends and colleagues reveal where he's been and what it's going to take to bring him back.

Click here for the full story on D'Angelo Archer.

A Solobeatz Production Commercial

2009-01-25T00:36:00.001-08:00

The Bicentennial

2009-01-24T22:30:00.000-08:00

written by Ebony

Within the power

of a dream

is the power

to make it come true.

Follow your heart,

and your dreams

won't be left behind.

A Day in the Life

2009-01-24T19:24:00.000-08:00

So I went to the bookstore today and came into an ephiany that the laws of attraction are REAL. That if I want a man to come to me, and I want him to have the things I desire, I first need to change myself and make myself more attractable. We are all looking for Mister Right to come knock at our front doors and sweep us away, but what are WE doing to be that Mister Right for THEM? How are we attracting these perfect (in our sense) specimen of men? So I began to put on my thinking cap, my hope cap and my wave cap and stripping myself of the old, rugged me and dressing up in a new me. Not only do I have a new standard for me (i.e., not meeting people off BGC or A4A no more,) I have a new look on my life. I said at the beginning of the year I was going to be more like Bree Van De Kamp and I am sticking to it. You think its silly? Well, if you knew anything about her, you would know that its a good change for me. I will keep my house clean daily, always smile, and cook more. I want to do all this for my future man, so why not send out the message to the Universe that I am at least trying?

So the laws of attraction are not only real, but they work. I will become a better person for me, to love me, to enjoy me so when another man who is as whole as me arrives, We will make a huge force with each other.

Excerpt from 'U, Sex and the Town' Episode 3

2009-01-21T00:12:00.000-08:00

The door to Deandre Archer’s apartment opened slowly and he looked at me with a look of confusion. Deandre, who goes by his middle name Chris, was my neighbor and an ex client of my down at the Arbitrary firm. He had his rectangular glasses on his head and he wore a tank top, revealing his athletically built, mocha frappuccino looking skin. Any other time, I would have came all on myself, but his energy was giving off a kill joy mood.

“Kenny, what are you doing here?”

I looked down to the ground and then over to my right, catching my best friend Junior Ross getting on the elevator after I told him to leave.

“Kenny?” Chris called as I snapped in attention to him.

“Oh, yeah, I just needed to talk to you real quick.”

“Who was that guy I’ve been seeing you all over? Was he the one who told me to get out?” I could sense a bit of jealousy in his voice but it didn’t make any sense to me why he was even getting to that point. It was flattering to see he still remembered that situation in my house.

“That’s William, we are going to try and rekindle our relationship.” I defended quickly, “But I need to talk to you about something more important.”

His eyes faded into attention on the wall behind me and his mind seemed to be distant but I continued talking anyway.

“Seeing how you wanted friends’ in the building, I wanted to be the first to accept that invitation.” I smiled nervously but I got no response.

“Well,” I continued softly, “I just got some news that got me a bit down and I need some support. I just found out that I am HIV positive.”

His eyes fell on me quickly, angrily and mixed with concern.

“Aren’t you gay?” he coldly asked as if it was a matter of fact.

“Yes? What does that-"

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that.” He muttered.

“I don’t need pity, just support.”

“Oh, well, then, I can’t help you.” He finished emotionlessly and closed the door right after. I was stunned, appalled and let my mind race with all kinds of questions. Was something wrong with him? Did something happen in his life? Was William making him jealous? It was too confusing and was making my head hurt.

From MLK to Today by Director Antoine Fuqua

2009-01-20T22:47:00.001-08:00

MLK Day of Service

2009-01-19T16:02:00.001-08:00

In recognition of MLK Day and in prepration for Inauguration Day, A Solobeatz Production brings you the 'Day of Service' video, inspiration by President-Elect Barack Obama's words calling Martin Luther King day "A day of service."

Excerpt from 'U, Sex and the Town' Episode 2

2009-01-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

“Damn, it’s huge!” I heard a voice exclaim. Immediately I shot up and wrapped my towel around my waist. When I saw who made the comment, I was stunned to see my locker partner, Jeremy Hendricks, staring profusely at my semi-hard dick. He was black and Latin mix, short, about five two and stocky built with a hi-top fade. There was this strange smirk across his face when he looked up at me. He saw that I was freaking out, even though I hadn’t moved an inch since I shot up, so he chuckled and said,

“I’m sorry bro, did I wake you?”

“What the fuck you mean? Someone could’ve heard you!”

“Ain’t no body in here, Junior. Calm down.”

“Calm down? You fuckin lookin at my dick! I ain’t into that faggot shit man!” I yelled as he stepped into my face. I was breathing hard out of fear, anger, embarrassment and pleasure.

“I didn’t say you were.” Jeremy whispered.

I broke out in a sweat as he slowly grabbed my crotch area and before I knew it, he had kissed me. I’m talking, serious tongue action on my lips and all over my neck. I was breathing hard from pure pleasure now as he gently dropped my towel and was stroking my dick. So many things went through my mind at this time. Was this right? It felt right. Was I going to be kicked off the team if anyone found out? Abruptly, there was a slam in the distance and we both jolted in different directions. After that, I never spoke to him again and the next day I changed locker partners. On graduation day, he tried to talk to me, but I pretended I didn’t hear him and walked away. I regret being an ass like that because he didn’t do anything to me but confirm in me what I already knew. The University of California, East Bay accepted me and my sophomore year there I heard that Jeremy had died in a car accident back in Jackson. I would never forgive myself for not apologizing to him before he left the earth.

Obama May End Military's Ban on Gays

2009-01-14T17:21:00.000-08:00

Sixteen years after Bill Clinton tried to end restrictions on gays in the military, the U.S. armed forces under Barack Obama may be forced to give homosexuals the same welcome as non-gays.

Under president Clinton, the policy that once saw homosexuals discharged from US military service evolved to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," allowing gays to remain in the military so long as they did not reveal their sexual orientation.

Obama has pledged to overhaul current law.

"The key test for military service should be patriotism, a sense of duty, and a willingness to serve. Discrimination should be prohibited," reads an entry on the president-elect's transition website.

Shortly after taking the oath of office in 1993, Clinton originally moved for an outright ban on discrimination based on sexual orientation in the military.

That step, for better or worse, prompted an outcry among top military brass, along with many Republicans and a significant segment of the public.

Clinton quickly came up with his "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" compromise, allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the military as long as they did not speak about their sexual orientation.

The law however still has seen a large number of dismissals of gay service members. Since its enactment, some 12,500 soldiers have been sent packing for acknowledging their homosexuality or after being outed as gay.

Those booted included some 800 key jobs such as Arabic translators, medical staff, pilots and intelligence personnel, according to the Service members Legal Defense Network, a group which is fighting to end all restrictions on military service based on sexual orientation.

Backers of reform said the move toward loosening restriction reflects a change in societal attitudes.

"There has been a sea change in the way this issue is viewed, especially in light of our national security needs," said Democratic lawmaker Ellen Tauscher.

"We shouldn't be forcing good men and women out of military service," Tauscher told AFP.
The lawmaker is the lead sponsor in the House of Representatives of the Military Readiness Enhancement Act, which would replace "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

"The momentum for repeal has already begun. This summer we held first hearing on this issue in 15 years and recent public surveys show 75 percent of Americans believe (homosexual) men and women should be able to serve openly," the California lawmaker continued.

"My bill to repeal the policy last year had 148 co-sponsors in the House. I will reintroduce this legislation in the coming Congress," Tauscher added.

Even a group of some 100 retired generals and admirals recently appealed for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to be scrapped.

"As is the case with Great Britain, Israel, and other nations that allow gays and lesbians to serve openly, our service members are professionals who are able to work together effectively despite differences in race, gender, religion, and sexuality," the former military brass wrote in their November 2008 letter.

Many in the traditionally conservative military community continue to have misgivings, but that lack of support should not impede getting rid of the law, opponents said.

"There will always be some people who will prefer the status quo, but people who preferred segregated units (banned in the U.S. military in 1948) didn't leave the military by and large," notes Aubrey Sarvis, director of the SDLN.

Obama will have to be firm in his commitment to ending discrimination against gays in the military, he warned, despite a full agenda of burgeoning crises.

"Of course, the economy has to be the first priority, but it's a matter of developing a plan on how to move forward successfully," said Sarvis, who predicted a new law within the year.

"I take the president-elect on his word," he said. "I think he'll do it."

Tell me, who doesn't love Obama more now?

'U Sex and the Town' Publication

2009-01-13T23:49:00.001-08:00

Episode One

Episode Two

B-TV #3

2009-01-11T19:38:00.001-08:00

Broadcast Television brings you the third installment of the series. Join Jonny B. Mitchell as he brings you the new 'Poetry Corner' and rants on the topic of LOVE. Enjoy

Special Moment (2004)

2009-01-05T23:52:00.000-08:00

dedicated 2 Robert

The moment i saw u,
I kept my emotions in.
I never would have craved you so
if the night would have never end.
Your body, so perfect right
became entwined with mine
The music became apart of our soul
your spirit was humble and fine.
I want to feel you inside of me.
With apart of you to take home.
Blessed but in a bind to show;
Africa, Italy and Rome.
"Can you keep up"?
with the feeling I have for you?
To dance the night away again
and discover another clue.
How do i conclude
a poem with much desire.
A person i may never see again
Someone my body admires.

Excerpt from 'U, Sex and the Town' Episode 1

2009-01-05T18:43:00.000-08:00

The ride to Muir Beach usually consists of just me and Junior, but since Teddy didn’t drive to work today, he tagged along. Our last installment to the group of extraordinary people is Tonya Brown, my long time high school friend, meets us up there. Since she lives in Point Richmond, she just takes off the days we head to the Mount and drives the few minutes without coming to the city. The real action is watching the trivial bickering that Teddy and Tonya do. A main reason for it is because, one, they cannot stand each other and two, Tonya is a bonafide bisexual turned lesbian and Teddy is a selfish homosexual who thinks all her men are gay. The only common denominator between the two, other than the rumor of shared men, is me.

After climbing and dodging death on the large rocks and boulders, we made it to the top of the cliff we dubbed ‘The Mount’. The sun was just about to meet the horizon when we had settled and sat on the edge of the cliff. I sat with my legs crossed as Tonya sat on my right, Junior on my left and Teddy on Junior’s left. For once, we all just sat in silence looking at the fuchsia lit skyline kissing the rippling blue ocean. The clouds reflected the colors, making it look like a ring of fire in the sky. Five minutes of silence was around us before Tonya broke it.

“So how’s Leon?” she asked me.

“Is that the only way you guys know how to start a conversation with me?” I asked.

“Well, you tend to focus on one guy when you meet him.” Tonya confessed.

“Especially if you only they option and not they priority.” Junior added.

“Not you too, Junior.”

“Hell, girl, it’s the truth.” Teddy chimed in, “You are hanging onto a whim and a prayer with this guy, hoping he’ll what? Pick you to fuck exclusively?”

“Which will not happen.” Junior affirmed, placing his hand on the back of my head, “Why should it?”

“He makes me smile,” I sighed, tearing up a bit, “And he is nice and wonderful.”

“Nice and wonderful just doesn’t cut it anymore,” Tonya declared, “If he can’t see you for more than a piece of ass then you don’t need him.”

“Is the sex that good?” Teddy asked.

I sighed again.“It’s great.”

“That ain’t enough either,” he asserted, “ I’d rather you mess with your neighbor you met today than with Leon.”

Simultaneously, Junior and Tonya snapped their heads in attention at me.

“WHO?” they sang.

I rolled me eyes at Junior.“You already know, Junior. The guy that came to my job.”

“He came to your job?” Teddy outburst, “Bitch, and you didn’t tell me?”

“It was irrelevant.”

“Don’t throw them two cent words at me.”

“I didn’t know he was your neighbor.” Junior butted in, “How close?”

“Across the hall,” Teddy answered before I could, “Miss Thang had a klutz attack and Prince Charming was at his aid.”

“What’s his name?” Tonya asked.

“Chris.”

“Chris?” Teddy pondered, “He sounds familiar.”

“Because it’s a common name you idiot.” Tonya exclaimed.

“Really? Let’s count how many Chris’s and Christina’s been up in your pussy. And that counts Chris with a C and a K. Christians’ and Christophers’. Chris spelled with an H and without an H.”

“Boy, shut up.” Junior snapped and then turned to me, “Anyways, so are you going to apologize for being a bitch to him?”

“How surprising,” Teddy commented.

“Oh, get this, he likes him now.” Junior gossiped to Teddy.

“You know, Judas must have taken lessons on betrayal from you.” I said, evil eyeing Junior, “But I will apologize tonight cause my boss wants me to cancel the meeting we are suppose to have.”

“Wait, which means, he’s married?” Tonya remarked with astonishment, “Guy or girl?”

“Girl.”

“A married man? I thought you were against that sort of thing.” Teddy yelled with a sense of smug in his voice.

“He’s getting a divorce but I don’t even know if the man is gay.” I protested, “I just have a crush on him.”

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Junior added, “You know nothing about him. We don’t want another crazed man coming after you like your ex did.”

I gasped softly. I had purposely blocked out my ex, William of five years in the state of Virginia, out of my mind. After he left me for a shorter, more muscular Spanish bottom, he claimed I cheated on him before then and stalked me for months vowing revenge. He left threatening messages, emails and letters saying he would see me dead then with anyone else. I never went to the police because I was scared. However, he never tried anything physical but I wasn’t waiting around till that day came. So I packed up and moved to Oakland. For so long, I didn’t deal with the pain and loss I had over him and it was all coming back at once. I didn’t realize that tears were swelling up in my eyes and some streaming down my face. I felt Tonya’s hand on my thigh and Junior’s arm around my neck. Teddy had gotten up and wrapped his arms around my waist and together we all watched the sun set. Today I was going to rest this pain with the sun and start anew when it rose again tomorrow.

Memories of 2008 End

2009-01-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

November is when it started to get a little chilly but not dead on cold. I was still going through the hurricane but was making it through. I am happy for the friends that I had around me to keep me from drowning and to present me faultless to the only wise god our savior (lol inside joke). Around the middle of the month, a facebook friend Steve from Memphis came to visit the San Francisco Bay Area and I offered my place for him to stay to cut down on hotel fees. We had a fun time and it felt good to finally get out of the house. I could finally see the sun breaking through the clouds in my depression and as soon as Steve left, the clouds swarmed around swiftly again. Steve left Tuesday and that Friday I was laid off from my job. I didnt know whether to celebrate cuz I didn't have to travel an hour an a half or cry cuz I was one of the 1.9 million people who don't have jobs. That day I had a date to go on, but my mind was too crowded to even pay attention to him. So, unlike the others, he listened. When I woke up the next day, I filed for unemployment to find out I wont be eligible till January and then went shopping for Thanksgiving. I was finally seeing rock bottom and said that I would not touch the bottom this time. The people that were draining me, I needed to get rid of. Sorry to say, but a few 'friends' from VA got cut off, my 'god father' was cut off, and other wanna be wolves in sheep's clothing were too. The Sunday before Thanksgiving, I went to church (yes bitch) and felt a release and heard the universe tell me that there was a way out. The Tuesday after, I changed my number and gave it to people that I wanted to have it and immediately felt lighter. I erased all contacts of the said named people and blocked them from trying to contact me. And when Thanksgiving came, I cooked and finally exhaled (so cliche but hey, it fits). I restarted my blogsite and made a new YouTube show. My hurricane was officially over.

In December, I rekindled a flame with a date I met back in March who said he didn't want to talk to me cuz I didn't shop at Barneys or Macys and that I wasn't high maintenance for him. This time, he said he had changed and wanted to be with me at all costs. However, he had left the Bay Area and had moved to Wisconsin where he wanted me to come. He said that he would take care of me and we would be happy. But later on found out that people don't really change, they jus pretend they do. He didn't want me to be Wiccan and he wanted me to cut my hair and he wanted me to leave my house in CA for him and my happiness for him, saying we can find happiness together. And for a brief moment, I considered it. My best friends did what any best friends would do, supported me regardless of my decision, knowing if it was a bad one, even though they would be there, I would learn a lesson in it. It wasn't until I was listening to Beyonce's 'If I Were a Boy' and thinking oddly somehow that's how I was feeling, that I was making a rash and ultimately a wrong decision. Percy, a long time crush of mine, called me and we talked for 3 hours and he told me what I wanted to hear from others, 'Don't do it.' Then when he said he missed the old, funny, happy go lucky Jonny, I cried. It had been a long time since I had smiled and it hurt to finally realize it. I volunteered at the local High School's telecommunication program and started seeing my doctor regularly. I started to feel good about myself. Come the holiday week, I was on a new high on life. I spent it with my friend Maurice, then a date, then a party at my friend's friends house on Saturday and ended with a swift vacation in Santa Cruz with my closest friends on Tuesday.

Now today I look up and smile. The eyes that were watching God can finally see him clearly and feel her around me. My friends that all have been there for me, I thank so much. My brother, Your little bro loves u, my sisters too. Two thousand and eight was a year of many discoveries and revelations. YES! Many of them but the one last discovery that I found was that I have joy again and this time, I wont let it slip. Even if it was at the last blinking moment, I got it. Let's take one last look at the past, *looks back*, and WE ARE OFF!

Happy New Year!